BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

I had a strange, convoluted dream this morning involving family, students, home, etc. However, at some point in the dream, I got a phone call from X in China (dreaming this, didn't happen) to tell me some stupid thing about shoes there. I interrupted him and started yelling at him. I won't repeat it all because basically, it's all the things I have been saying in my previous post. But in the dream, I wouldn't let him get in a word edgewise, just screamed at him, sobbing, about that stuff, interspersed with "I hate you! I hate you!" Then, I hung up on him. Annnnnddddd felt guilty. lol. story of my life. :)

I had a nice weekend. BF and Son bonded on Sunday over pizza, pop, ice cream and Wii games. Son really seemed to enjoy it. BF is being very nice to my son. He even mentioned to me that he wants to get him out working on the car with him next weekend if we can get it over to my place. X has apparently left town--I am unsure if it is for China as his wedding invitation suggests or if he is elsewhere. He told Son he was going to Colorado; his mother told me he is in Houston but the way she hesitated seemed like she was lying about it. I cried after that because it seems he has gone and left as I thought he would---leaving his children unprovided for and unaware, leaving me to face his student loans. I was so upset at the thought that he would abandon his children without even saying goodbye. What if something happens to him? They will be left with the knowledge that he was too busy pursuing his own foolishness. Thankfully BF was there to distract me and comfort me. I doubt I wil

It's been a good weekend. Friday night, I took my son out to eat and to a movie. It was nice to spend time doing something with him. We did ask my daughter to come, but she was busy. I want to do that with son more often---mother son dates. It's a good thing. My bf called me at 3:30 am to tell me he'd blown out one of the truck tires and was nursing the other back to town. Apparently, a semitruck in front of him was losing cargo out the back and one took out the tire. Thankfully, he made it back to town without a problem and I met him for bfast about 5 am. I loved that. Today, I am supposed to avoid eating fat as I have an abdominal ultrasound tomorrow morning. Parent teacher conferences were on Friday. I was not pleased that son had a 37% History for the 1st quarter. That pretty much rules out any chance of passing the semester so I was quite unhappy that the teacher didn't contact me a week or so ago. So, I called for a meeting with his teachers and asked t

So I got my first child support payment courtesy of the Department of Human Services Child Support division. 150 big ones! I'm torn as what to do with it. So many things needed and just that much to go around. God, please let more be forthcoming! Yesterday, I went to the Dr. for a follow up on recent blood work. I have deficiencies in iron and vitamin D. That might explain why I have felt so achy lately and of course, tired. Also, my liver enzymes are still high even after having my gallbladder out, so I have to go get an ultra sound of my liver and pancreas. I'm believing the vitamin supplements will help me feel better ASAP. My sweetie boyfriend fixed the front window by the door so that cold air can't get in. AND he put my new tag on, plus changed the light bulb over my license plate. YaY I was so happy to have someone help me, I actually shed a tear or four. My mom stopped by as he was fixing the window, so he scored MAJOR brownie points.

This sounds familiar. 3 guesses, anyone?

He told Son he is going to Chicago next week..... Seems like he has a longer trip in mind.

Okay, situation resolved. Army guy finally noticed that I have a special man in my life and called to congratulate me. YaY. And my truckdriver is special. This weekend, his outfit by choice and due to laundry needing done, by default, was a red white and blue do rag, a black and orange sleeveless snap front Harley Davidson shirt, a pair of black pajama pants with the red ACDC logo all over them, and to finish off his ensemble, an old pair of steel toed trucker boots open and unlaced. I loved it. lol. He looked every inch the biker dude or his version of it. Funny thing is, as long as he doesn't mind what I am wearing, I don't mind what he is wearing. I liked his outfit -- thought it was sexy actually. lol. For some reason, I am dreaming of hearts and flowers, a white dress and a man in biker gear. Dunno wassup with that. Is it possible for a boring school teacher and a truckdriving harley riding biker dude to be happy together? I don't ride motorcycles--don't min

I have a situation. Kind of but not really. Maybe. Do you remember Army Guy? He was my first date after separation and has been around on and off. I liked him well enough in spite of the fact that he is an ornery cuss, very opinionated, very direct. He is the one who called me "damaged goods", who said that we would be only friends, etc. Welp, before my sweet truck driver, Army Guy was a bit of a contender, even though he said he would never want to be more than friends with me. umm. there's more to it, but I don't wanna say. Well anyhoo, the last time I was going to go out with him, I was so happy because he called and wanted to go to a movie. I'll admit, I was excited that he'd called and initiated a meeting. Unfortunately, something happened and he totally forgot our date. When I spoke to him on the phone, he didn't want to see me because he was upset about something, etc. Bottom line: He has made me feel bad about myself a few times. Even ma

It was pouring rain most of the day yesterday. I love the rain--especially if I can stay home and relax. Alas, that was not the case yesterday. There was several inches on the road last night as I was driving my daughter to work then myself home. When I got there, I decided to open the trunk to take my vacuum cleaner out, place my purse there, get the mail, then come back for my purse/keys. Unfortunately, I grabbed my purse and left my keys in the trunk as I shut it. Whoops! So, there we were. Standing in the driveway without a house key, car key or cell phone in the pouring rain. Pondering my few options, none of them seemed viable. Next to my door is a narrow window that has been cracked for years (pictured above). X never got around to fixing it. SO, I took the shovel and smashed it all. Then, reached in and unlocked my door. Son was astounded. lol. I figure it will force me to replace that window ASAP. I did try to board it up but couldn't do it properly. Guess I am not as stro

One thing I never imagined I would be---a single mother, or divorced for that matter. Odd thing about grief is that it sneaks up unexpectedly. Just when I'm sure that I'm okay, WHAM there it is again: that desire to scream, to fall in a heap on the floor, to weep and wail at the unfairness of it all. I felt that way after my father died and here it is again. I recognize it. What is different about this feeling is the sense of complete and total abandonment. How can he not care about his child on a daily basis? Why doesn't he at least email him? For 20 years, he was involved in supporting this family and now he has completely walked away from that responsibility. I don't know if I will ever be able to comprehend it or wrap my brain around it. Of course I am not the only one who has had to go through this. Many women have had much worse situations than mine. I know this. mm okay had my cry. I feel better. whew. durn it. My son is a good boy. He still likes t

I am really excited--today is Wednesday! YaY That means tomorrow is THURSDAY! YaY The day before FRIDAY woohoo!!!. My truckdriver is a sweetie. Life is good. Working for the weekend. sigh. :)

I found this interesting website with all kinds of good articles :)) This one caught my eye so of course I read it. lol. Small Penis Sex Positions Shared via AddThis

So, I've been thinking. Yes, I know, dangerous. Hope I don't pull a muscle! Today I was teaching my sophomore class that is plumb full of boys -- was gesturing wildly coz I was annoyed (they were drivin me bonkers and it's a short trip)... and umm . my boobs jiggled. That's kinda weird that I noticed and it seemed awkward to me at that moment. Thinking if I noticed it, maybe THEY did too. :/ Yeah, not sure about that. Also, I was just thinking and wanted to tell u all: Men over forty--- strange things happen to moles, skin, umm other parts of the body. Do us newly single women a favor and get them looked at, removed if necessary. After twenty years, I was pretty used to my X's but a different man's skin issues takes some gettin used to. If your interesting spot/mole/ naturally formed body oddity is visible while dressed, for the love of all things romantic, please please PLEASE get it removed. This is not referring to anyone in particular, merely a

Welp, I talked to my mom and she said that jobs can be changed, if I like him then other things can be worked out. Yes, she is right. He's only doing that job because it's full time and will have benefits. Long haul is already something that he has decided he doesnt want to do anymore so guess he is making a step in the right direction with this current job -- works 10-12 hours then he is back at home until the next day. I had a nice weekend. Saturday morning, did some housework, relaxed, enjoyed the quiet and finally, took my son to mom's to spend the night etc. His father is still not making arrangements to see him and my mother forbids me to do it for him---after all, son then has to put up with his gpa being a jerk right along with his dad. If it were me, I'd be finding ways to see my kids. Seems like X is waiting for his kids to want to see him but that's not the way it should be. On the way home, I stopped and picked up some mums in full bud, ready to b

Wow, I didn't know I was so fussy. Apparently, I have things I want out of a relationship. Who knew? This is more complicated than I anticipated---this whole finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with deal. No wonder I needed so many men to date casually--it takes that many to make my time requirement :/ I really like my truck driver, Les, a lot. There are so many wonderful qualities which meet my needs --- affectionate, loving, open, not skittish, likes me oodles :) However, now I realize the downside of my obsession with big meaty men who work hard for a living, men who fix things, who make me feel feminine, protected, sexy---they work hard for a living and that means odd hours. I have just realized that I have a TIME requirement. Time and attention are things I need ---being alone is not something I want to do anymore. My truck driver works 4: 00 pm - 4:00 am Monday - Friday and sleeps most of the day away, gets up and does it again. So time with me comes down t