BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

It's too late You say you want me, and it's too late Once my love for you was so great But it's too late to love me now It's too bad You say you need me, and it's too bad I know the feelin' and it's so sad But it's too late to love me now It's too late to love me now Don't you know how hard I tried to hold out just for you? Lovin' you from mem'ry day by day Then someone came into my life, turned my dreams around He's takin' all the love you threw away It's too late You say you want me, and it's too late Once my love for you was so great But it's too late to love me now It's too late to love me now Don't you know how hard I tried to hold out just for you? Lovin' you from memory day by day Then someone came into my life, turned my world around He's takin' all the love you threw away It's too late You say you need me, and it's too late Once my love for you was so great But it's too late to

Don't forget that many bikers are veterans and love their country!! I'd hug and kiss each and everyone of the Patriot Guard Riders! WTG guys. By JARREL WADE World Staff Writer Published: 6/29/2010 2:28 AM OWASSO — A group from Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., was outnumbered Monday evening during a memorial service for Army Sgt. Andrew Looney. Patriot Guard Riders, a motorcycle group that travels to soldiers' funerals to honor their families and shield them from the signs of hate held by Westboro members, were on hand along with hundreds of people from the community to counterprotest the controversial group. Westboro members picket soldiers' funerals across the country, spreading their message that "God hates America" because it "condones homosexuality" and that it is wrong to idolize dead soldiers. They claim that the soldiers' deaths are God's vengeance on the United States. Police were also there to maintain distance between the t

I was supposed to have a first official date with T today. We'd met Friday after a week or so of emails and text messages -- he came over, picked me up and we went for coffee, had a great time laughing and talking, made plans to go out to a movie today. Turns out though, he wanted to meet me at the theater because he is too lazy to drive ten minutes further to pick me up. First of all, IF I give you my address, I expect you to use it. Secondly, I am stinking SPECIAL and deserve to be picked up if you want to go out with me. NO DURN way am I getting into another deal where I do all the work. nope nope nope. sorry, not happening. He called to make arrangements to meet me there. "What? You're not going to pick me up?" "Well I'd have to drive past the place, pick you up, and drive back again." The conversation went a little further than that because I thought he was joking. Nope, turns out he was serious. I reluctantly agreed but as I hung up, immedi

Lots has happened. Thursday last week, I found out that Navy was in the hospital from Saturday onwards due to almost dying from an allergic reaction to one of his medications. Here I was being stubborn, not calling him, waiting for him to call me, and he was at deaths door. :( I'm an idiot, huh. But he's alive thank God. Friday, I used a high power vacuum to vacuum my car--- It was like an episode of I Love Lucy . Sucked up huge things from the car not meant to be vacuumed, got tangled up in the hose, practically crawled inside the trunk to get the far reaches. Wrestled my skirt out of the vacuum hose, and later it almost sucked the shirt off of my back. hope they don't have a video camera After that, I went out and bought myself a car. Yay didn't have to ask anyone's permission or explain myself. Pretty happy about that! I drove up to my friend's place in Rochester, MN to support her during a hearing for a restraining order she filed against an X b

I have a friend/acquaintance... just as my marriage was ending, her 40 something husband died unexpectedly from a heart attack. I remember sitting in the memorial service, my estranged husband a row behind thinking that I would never be able to stand up at his funeral telling what a great husband, father, person he had been, etc. Between her husband's life insurance/ social security, she has been able to move into a fancy house with a pool, take trips all around with her children, not have to work other than taking care of everything,....and of course mourn her husband. He was a great guy. Her life is a Hallmark made-for-TV feel good movie. Anyhoo, she made a snarky comment to something I said about my life being a "sitcom without the canned laughter' (I was really just joking, not serious a all). I wanted to respond and say "Well, we all don't get to enjoy our kids full time from pool side or on a plane to Vegas, to mourn our husband in relative

Had another bad dream about X this morning ;/ He kept grabbing at me, touching me, not letting me go, even though his girlfriend was in the next room. When anyone else was around, he acted all sweet and innocent, like I was the crazy one. I kept screaming at him to not touch me, let me go, keep away from me. I ended up looking like an idiot and he ended up looking like an angel. grrr. grrr. wish he would get out of my dreams.

Okay, let the smiting begin. Getting out my man eraser and erasing a few useless lumps of man candy. I don't need to sit around waiting and wondering. I'm just gonna keep moving forward. Let them stay behind. I've got things to do, places to go, men to meet. Not gonna sit home waiting around. Not gonna sacrifice myself for a man. Number one is self preservation of me, my son, my life. I will not stand still to be ignored. Catch up with me if you care, or get left behind.

Woke up from a bad dream--more annoying than anything actually. I dreamed X dumped his Chinese wife and got a tiny, blonde American wife complete with weird family. They showed up to my school--where son goes as well-- and the new wife with her mom and sis came over to me, were snotty and said I wasn't to show up at any of their family functions. pfft . Later, they all sat in the next booth over at a restaurant where we had an unpleasant scene. derrrr . It's bad enough dealing with junk in real life but wish he'd leave my dreams alone!!

Quiet weekend at home---never a great thing for my state of mind. Reel push mowers are to mowing what a carpet sweeper is to vacuuming. I'm tired of being ignored by my children and my men. I wonder if keeping my home is worth it. It feels like no one really cares about me. My son is what keeps me alive. Flowers make me feel kinda happy. I can do way more painting than I can weed whacking. Cleaning house makes things feel better. The sliding door handle that X just fixed a year ago has broken. They don't make em like they used to. I'm scared about all the things that need to be done. Credit cards are evil. I don't have any credit cards. Nowadays, men in steel toed boots pique my interest. I'm kinda man crazy lately. Am thinking of getting a tattoo. Perhaps I need to start seeing a counselor again. It bothers me that my X calls me names to my children. Maybe that is why my children seem so disrespectful toward me lately. My son is going to need braces to prevent an

From: ...Me To: X husband I have NEVER disrespected you to your children. I do NOT say bad things about you to them EVER. You are HURTING my children by saying those type of things to them and God knows what you say. I have done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from you.

It would be easy, too too easy.

My kids don't respect me. Daughter ignores my calls and texts when it suits her, is disrespectful in her attitude, tone of voice, etc. Son called me a "crazy old lady" tonight. I had him mow part of the yard. Later, he had to deliver his laptop to me and will be off it until he earns it back. I guess I shouldn't be surprised considering the way X talks to them about me. I'm nothing more than a joke I guess. :/

Last night was a difficult night. It started out with my own personal crisis thinking about Navy, questioning what, why, etc. He's really the only man in my life thus far who I can actually think about long-term with but unfortunately there are a lot of negatives to that scenario--which make it doubtful for a positive outcome. PLUS, I have no idea how he feels about me now other than the fact that I know he cares about me as a person and as a friend. I finally up and asked him if he has a lady in Collinsville because he has been spending time there with his motorcycle club and at his friend's house. He said no, there wasn't. So okay, fine. He works over 60 hours a week, sleeps as much if not more, and there is very little hours left for him to share with anyone else. I've been okay with that lately but caring about him is a lonely pastime. Okay on to last night-- enter panic attacky kinda episode. I missed having someone to hold me, just hold me. I hate the fa

A guy stopped by and knocked on my door. NOOOO I know what you are thinking. They are not beating my door down now. lol although that would be fun. No no, he just stopped to see if I were interested in getting my house painted. lol. umm yeah I've been painting what I can reach for a few weeks now. At this rate, could take awhile. His bid --- the top half of the house (parts I can't reach) caulked, wood replaced, 2 coats paint rolled and brushed = 1000 dollars. He will let me make payments. Is that a good deal? If I had to do it myself = rent scaffolding, find someone to climb scaffolding, potentially rent sprayer blah blah. That alone if I pay the person could = 500-600 dollars. PLUS the hassle of renting the scaffolding, dealing with a person to do all that per hour, blah blah. help?