BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

I'm not sure what to think. I want to believe that there are honest men out there. I don't believe everything I hear. But today I found out that a few basic things that Navy told me about his life before me are false, or at least partly false. I've never thought he was perfect but... Fred, I barely believe what he tells me. but Navy? Crap. I'm not sure if it makes any difference in the big picture. After all, we may be are probably just friends anyway. Still, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

I saw Navy for a bit today---he went with me to Mom's to see if he could fix her screen door. He is definitely out of sorts. Christmas is close; he doesn't "do" Christmas and he's buggin out again like he did last year. I can understand actually. He's not with his kids, his parents died a few years back in a tragic accident-- probably it's just depressing for him. Not that he would admit to such a thing. I looked back at my blog from when he flaked out on me last year and it was depressing to read. Basically, there is not much of a relationship there between us. Definitely a friendship at minimum. Guess a bunch of space is in order. As far as Fred goes, I'm not sure either; my feelings are mixed. It looks to be a lonely Christmas for me. Son hasn't seen his father in about five weeks. Frankly, I almost feel like it's just as well because his father doesn't treat him kindly most of the time, is not devoting any particular effort to do

Finally, my Christmas vacation is here---I'm lazing about until Jan. 3rd! It's a quiet weekend for me--Son went out of town on a school thing last night. I took my daughter out to dinner and a movie, which was nice. I don't get to see her much anymore, so that is usually a way to get her company. She's doing well, raised her grades this quarter, got her nose pierced(!?). It's not my nose, so fine with me. However, hope she doesn't go crazy with the piercings. I keep telling her to picture herself 80years old with ___________ (tattoo, piercing whatever) and see if that's how she wants to look then. lol. Had to run something over to Mom's so stayed and visited a bit, got lunch, library books and an extra blanket so that should hold me for a bit! I'm wondering if I will have a man to spend time with over the break--hope so but..... Fred seems to be taking weekend long haul truck jobs lately. Les is always busy sleeping or with his motorcycle club.

It was a rough weekend. I was feeling pretty blue to begin with--grieving the loss of my little family which has shattered to pieces, leaving just me and my son under one roof. Dunno what precipitated that pity party, but it was going on since Thursday. Friday, Son's father didn't call, text, or come to pick him up. Son was not inclined to make the effort either. I guess he figures that if his father wants him, he'd initiate. Saturday morning was particularly rough because Son had Saturday School---kind of like detention on Saturday, for being tardy to class after PE. Moving fast is not his strong suit ever. Plus, he doesn't wake up and get going easily either. Basically, Saturday was filled with Son's fussing, homework, tears, slamming of doors,and lot's of I-hate-you's. Yeah, pretty miserable all the way around. I think maybe it was a reaction to how he feels about what's happening with his dad. OR not happening. It culminated in Son sobbing in hi