BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

Yesterday, I found out something that should be a deal breaker---something that endangers my family, my way of life, my security, my marriage. Trust is such a fragile thing that I have been working to develop; starting from scratch on that one again. Either way it goes looks to be difficult, unpleasant, possible catastrophic on a personal, emotional, financial, social level. I'm trying to move past it hoping that it will never happen again. He promised. again. Marriage is a conspiracy of two. I cannot tell anyone about it because family, friends, coworkers might think less of him. There are two people I might be able to tell, but one.... well read on. Today, I feel like I've lost my steady footing. A dear friend whom I love has lied to me, moved on, something. I cannot blame him, but feel like I've lost him. Truth be told, he hasn't been there for me for over a year when I desperately needed him. I still need his support and advice. Sad that might be gone forever-- esp

There is no one worthy of trust. No one is trustworthy. Some things are impossible to tell. Too horrible to admit. If my life goes in the crapper again, I do not think I can pull myself up.

I haven't updated since two minutes ago---but before that, I haven't updated for MONTHS. A lot has happened. I got married again. I eloped for the second time in my life. This time however, I actually told about five people -- my mom, children, best friend, my work mentor, and the secretary at work. Okay, that makes SIX people. Oddly enough, eloping the second time is more difficult. SO many more people who are interested, shocked and apparently, would have liked to know. I went to work the next day -- "Oh by the way, I got married yesterday". Umm, yeah. Things hit the fan. Even now, 3 months later, some people are shocked to find out. OH WELL. That's how I roll ;p Yup. I'm married. I love him, enjoy his company, but his issues still exist. Thus far, he's been patient with my poking and prodding him to cut down on this and that. We'll see how that works out. Meanwhile, his son who has mild retardation has come to live with us. His mot

I wrote this in 2007 but it is applicable still! Sometimes, we don't need to know everything. There is something to be said for choosing to remain ignorant of details. Often, it is listening to those details recited by coworkers, friends, family that causes us to get worked up and stressed out. Also, not knowing details helps keep us from gossiping which is like starting a wildfire. Spreading those juicy details is what gets people all riled up. It's back to my new favorite concept of keeping my mouth shut so the stupid doesn't fall out and cause problems for other people. Proverbs 10:19 says that when words are many, sin is not absent and points out that he who holds his tongue is wise. Elsewhere in Proverbs, it says that even a fool who hold his tongue may appear wise.....I figure that would be an excellent plan for me! March 1, 2007 at 5:33pm