BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

I feel guilty for telling people he went to China to meet his internet gf. Why is that? Is it wrong for me to tell people that? It's only when they ask me... I'm not looking forward to his return to the area. Overheard in class today: Shut up or I'll stick you on my scrotum! ummm what did you say? (14 yr old repeats statement uncertainly) He does, modifying it with ---what does scrotum mean anyway?? Just to gain sympathy for what I have to deal with, I run him to the office and make him repeat it to the discipline guy. "But Mrs. B, I didn't kno!!! They changed the Biology books this year!" umm what, they decided scrotums were passe' and did away with them? I'm selling some of Ex's stuff to help pay bills. Hiring someone to come in and clean up the back yard.

I made it through last night without the tranquilizer which is a good thing. Today I have been a bit edgy, anxiety creeping up, but so far am okay. I could go to my rebuilding after divorce class at church, but I don't want to. I don't want to see anyone, talk to them, socialize. I did have a date Monday night with a very interesting 6 " 7 bail bondsman. I enjoyed that. Dunno if it will ever happen again, but was good. I usually tell mom when I have melt downs, so she was a bit concerned to hear it and thought I would do it again last night. YaY I didn't but it is worth a bit of sympathy. She ironed my jacket, told me the family would come help me paint the walls this weekend, she would even buy paint. I think I might milk this for all its worth! just kidding. I'm trying to view this as a new freedom--complete freedom. No problem about the EXsex. I am no longer interested. In fact, I would rather not even see him before he goes. I am not interested in his...