BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

I don't do "hate". I never have. But thanks to X, I do NOW. I HATE HIM. It makes me sad that I finally have sunk to that low but there it is. I HATE HIM. Lately I have been thinking of him as "the rat bastard" in my thoughts. Is that bad? I never do that. I have always thought the best of people, tried to see their good qualities, never talk bad about others. He is off seeing his new wife in China. Just took off without telling his kids and no child support has been paid since January. Meanwhile, I'm paying his student loan payment of 135 a month. GAHHH K, I think I'm okay now. Sorry. The sun is out today ---- it's unbelievable how the constant overcast skies and cold winds have affected my mood and I'm sure the mood of many. It's also the anniversary of my dad's death which doesn't make me sad anymore. I miss him and always will, but the sharpness of the grief has been superseded by the emotions from the divorce drama.

2/17/10 Hi guys, been thinking about you! Or rather, been feeling guilty because I haven't posted. :D Anyhoo, Sunday was uneventful except for taking son to BestBuy to get his first iPod Nano which he purchased with his own money. Monday we were off, so I was planning on being in my jammies alllllllllllllll day but Mom tricked me into going to Best Buy with her to get her some phones. :/ I originally said NO. An hour later she calls and said, "wanna go out to eat with me?" Welp, never one to turn down free food I said yes but quickly realized "heyyyy wait a minute... You're trying to trick me into going to buy your phone with you aren't u?" Yeah she was. OH well. Son and I are fighting off a stomach bug but I persevered and went to work anyway. I'm feeling good today so that is great.

Friday night, I took my son bowling. He was pretty happy about that. Saturday, Navy guy and I went to the shooting range where he taught me to load and shoot a gun. I think I did pretty well--- out of fifty bullets I only missed the target four times. We had a good time running around together but when we went to drop son off at his dad's, no one was home. X hadn't answered my calls or sons for a few days, and I figured something was up. His dad finally sent him a text saying he would be gone until the end of the month. SO that means he has gone to see his Chinese WIFE in China without telling his kids. Welp, he's gonna have to call me to get to see him again coz that's ridiculous. As usual, he was thinking only of himself not caring that I might have had plans or that son was looking forward to seeing him. So that kinda took the fun out of the evening a bit, I started going into panic mode (quietly) wondering if and when I would get child support, how was I gonna

I don't know about you, but I am so happy that today is Friday. Long weekend coming up makes less days of work next week. YaY. Spring Break will be here pretty soon too in mid-March. Jasper chewed on my cell phone and deformed it. I have a new digital camera that I need to get busy using... Half my take home pay was taken due to sick days that I didn't have available but took anyway. Looks like that will happen again next paycheck too until I am caught up. gah. AND I quit my second job. hmmm maybe that was a tad premature, huh. ouchies. BUT my quality of life has drastically improved with just that extra three hours of time after school. Meanwhile, it's gonna be a longggggg short month with half my salary. Lord please let that child support come in ASAP! I have a feeling X is gearing up for a trip to China. Wonder if he plans on letting the kids know. His parents leave to move back to JKT today which is a good thing---that much less hate I have to deal with. The

I've had a good weekend. Friday, I was busy with a special event at school and brought my son along to that. He was soooooo excited because I bought him his first cell phone (prepaid), so it was nice to see him so happy happy happy. This way, when he is with his father, I can contact him and vice versa--especially when he goes out of town with him as he did last weekend and this weekend. My puppy dog chewed up one of my new shoes, the handle off my new purse and ate the leg off of his stuffed animal toy which later re-emerged in front of my son's door. It came out from one of his ends..... ewww. I went on a date Saturday night ---BOWLING. Haven't done that in over twenty years, but I had a good time. Went with a nice young couple, their son and the gentleman who was my date. Awkwardly enough, Navy guy arrived at my door before my date with a computer problem, stayed to hang out with my dogs, TV and my computer so was still there when I got back. I enjoy having him

Yesterday morning, had a hard morning getting son up and out of the house. Missed my morning meeting AGAIN. He was moving slowly, not cooperating, being ornery, then I had to get him in a headlock to scrub his neck since he wasn't gonna let me. :( So that was bad. Then, turns out someone is trying to cause me to lose my job by making a phone call to my boss accusing me of something or other. But, I have no idea who it was or what exactly I was accused of- all I know is that it was something from my personal life. My boss asked me a vague question via email; I answered it and that's all I know. He spoke to my friend/mentor at work asking questions of her regarding my personal life. She reassured him but I haven't heard anything else. I think it might be my X or his father since I have received threats from X about making my life miserable, causing me to lose my job, house, finances, etc. So that is stressful. It makes me sick to think someone out there is trying t