BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

I love my son so much. He is an extremely bright child in so many ways---has always been. However, he is ADHD inattentive so tends to be distracted by anything, everything and nothing. His first years of school were spent being sent to the office for daydreaming during seatwork, not completing tests, being kept out of recess and center play. Time outs never bother him because all he needs for company are his own thoughts. In a private school where flexibility is lacking and worksheets rule, my son has been punished, isolated, and misunderstood for being different. "He is able to do the work" "He is capable of the work" "He is an extremely smart boy who knows all the answers but chooses not to do his work" Sure, he can do it. My son is capable of doing it but unless mysterious forces are aligned properly, he doesn't. I have tried scolding, encouraging, punishing, rewarding, to little avail. What works one day may not the next. He isn't disobe

Things have been good around here. I have a boyfriend who is very kind, loving, affectionate, manly---I love being around him. He was there with me last weekend when my puppy Oreo started having seizures, called the vet, went with us to have her put down due to distemper. Poor guy was pretty upset about it too. More upset than I was to tell the truth. Basically, I made a decision long ago that I am not going to cry over animals. It's too heartbreaking and life has enough things to cry about. Sorry if that makes me seem cold. I love animals and hate to see them suffer, but if I have a choice, I won't cry over one. Back to my favorite topic -- Les... He is such a big tough guy--looks like one and is one. But he is so sweet to me and even talks baby talk to me. lol. I love it. hehe. Son is struggling in school a bit. So much work and he's not getting it all done. sigh. Today, Son and I are going to my brother's for a bday party. Will be nice to see family again.

Okay, so got a call from Sallie Mae. Called Sallie Mae-- it was about X's student loan that I cosigned for. Yup they want their money and aren't joking. In case you didn't know, student loan companies are not the ones to mess around with. They don't need to go to court to garnish your wages. All they need to do is write a letter to your employer and boom, there goes your money. I know this from my sister who works in collections. So the lady from Sallie Mae decides it would be fun to do a three way call with my X. Yeah, let's get HIM on the phone. Why should I have all the fun? Boy, they badgered him. When they started talking garnishing our wages, I sucked it up. "Okay fine. I can make a payment two weeks from today." No that isn't good enough.. they want the money by the end of the month. " Look, set it up for two weeks from today and you got the money" No, that isn't good enough, we need it this month. "Who are you kidding?

I'm happy. I'm pretty sure this is what happy feels like. I have a boyfriend. We like each other. He likes me. I like him. He tells me he misses me, calls me as soon as I leave or texts me sweet little messages about how he misses me. He tells me that I have something special that he's never had, that he wants me never to go away. We are silly, giddy, and goofy. It's fun. I like him.

X asked me today: Are you still dating more than one guy? Yes, I have a few that I see on a regular basis. But I think I have narrowed it down to one at the moment, I'm not sure. (shrug) What is he like? He's a truck driving, Harley riding, former Navy Seal, big hairy guy with tattoos. You like that kind of guy, huh? Yes, I do, actually. I do. [ smile ] Have you slept with him? Umm NO [like it's any of your business pffft.] [His name is Les and he likes me too. He misses me, wants to see me, talk to me, be with me, cuddle me, and isn't afraid to say so. Even better, he is completely available to me. So far, I like him a lot too. It's fun. I am enjoying the process.]

I received a refund from a utility bill but it was in X's name, so I took a chance and went over there to see if he would sign it over to me. He came out crying, hugging, etc. He wanted copies of a few documents so he could work on bringing his new wife over I guess. No problem. However, the man is failing health wise. He is too thin, has a black spot on his leg that looks sinister and needs to be removed, he hasn't been taking his kidney medications and is peeing blood. Last check his kidney function was a satisfactory 40%. Now, he has no health insurance and no money. He isn't selling cars well, so may not keep that job. He had some sort of car accident and has to pay someone for that. Long story short, I ended up feeling like I need to be giving him money. I even said that I would pay him to mow the lawn. Dunno why I think he can actually start it and finish it now or why I would pay him!? I'm an idiot. Sux.

I was looking at Ken's picture from when he met with Penny recently thinking he is handsome enough to be a model. I was, in fact, going to suggest that he be an underwear model when I remembered something my son did. A few years ago, he was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom chattering away to me while I just half listened, making appropriate "oh? I see, uhhunh" comments when something he said caught my attention. So I said "whoa wait, what did you say? " He said, "yeah I could, I think I could" I said, "could what?" "I think I could be one of those guys on underwear packages" "You mean an underwear model?" "Yes, I could be one of those, I think I can do it!" Apparently, he had been admiring his 9 year old body in the mirror and saw some underwear model potential. lol.

Happy Weekend! My son had a good time going on a float trip with his club and my baby bro. Was such a relief for me to have my bro there with him, looking out for him. Unfortunately he now has the flu. Swine flu and other flu has been making its way through our school. I had a very nice time with a gentleman last night-- a 47 yr old former truck driver, navy seal with a Harley. I'm not keen on motorcycles, so I drove :) I really enjoyed chit chatting with him. Guess I may not be going to work tomorrow, not sure yet. Nice rainy and cool here -- love this weather! Have a good one people!

I need hugs, cuddles, warmth. My chest hurts and I wanna cry. Not sure wassup with that. sigh. I'm glad it's Thursday. Grades are due tomorrow, not quite ready, but I will be. Today is Xs bday. He is 50. Big truck fix it guy got burned when his radiator blew up in his face-- 1st and 2nd degree burns on his face and chest. But, he's on the mend, so that is good. Mornings have been a bit stressful this week. Yesterday, my alarms didn't go off for some reason and my eyes popped open at 8. My meeting was at 7:30 and class starts at 8. THEN, son decided to be difficult. So, kinda stressful yesterday. I really really could use some arms around me ASAP. sigh.

I had a good weekend. Went to see a couple of movies, visited with friends and today, family. It's a short week this week, but will probably be a bit hectic as I need to get student grades ready for progress reports on Friday. Means I will have to suck it up and get some stuff done that I've been putting off. Oh well, was bound to happen. X asked son if I have been having men over and men sleeping over while he is home. Pfft, sux to be X doesn't it? I wouldn't do that stuff in front of my kids. Anyway, good weekend, had fun. Hope urs was grapes too!

Welp, son is with his dad this weekend. Son came running into my room last night about eight pm, wanting to go to his Oma's house because he accidentally deleted a song off of his iPod. So, I drove him over there, thinking that X would be at work. He wasn't and soon, Son came out to say his dad wanted him to spend the night and return him Sunday. I wasn't going to look in my son's eyes and tell him no, so there you have it. Gives me a bit of a break,I guess. I will be going out with Big truck fix it guy tonite-- gonna go see a movie, have dinner and listen to live music. Hopefully, he won't spend too much time telling me about axels and brake cleaning fluid tonite :) I got up at six am this morning, opened all the windows and doors, tied the puppies out on the patio, swept, mopped, cleaned, etc. trying to air out the puppy smell before the cable guy came. My internet, phone account was in X's name and I decided to switch it to mine. We have several students