BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

Today, I had to go back to work, which is very tiring since I have had two months off--hard to get back in the swing of things. Pretty much, need a nap when I get home. Daughter moved into the dormitory at college today with the help of her father. I had meetings so suggested she ask him for help. It was nice that he did and took pictures of her in her room, etc. Wish we could have done that together but guess that's life. He did give her money to help with her expenses, so that is good. Gonna miss that girl--she was my right hand. Army guy asked me to go to a movie with him on Saturday. I'm pretty pleased about that. I just returned from my nephew's wedding yesterday. It was a beautiful wedding and wonderful to watch. However weddings are a bit depressing for me since I never had one of my own (eloped) and shortchanged myself on flowers, hearts, love for a 20 year booty call with a man who wanted a status. YaY me. However, it did occur to me that perhaps some day, ...

Okay, so today I spent the afternoon and evening alone with the puppies, listening to little puppy grumbles about why they should not be in the kennel and why they should be allowed to roam willy-nilly about the house. Frequent trips out to the front yard featured the male, Jasper, immediately who does his business, then happily follows me about. Oreo, the female jumps, runs, wrestles, explores and wanders off. Rarely does she do any business that I can see and FAILS to return when I call her. grr. I'm looking forward to son coming home tomorrow to share the burden of puppy rearing. I did enjoy a few times of puppy cuddle though --feeling Jasper settle in against my chest, his little puppy breath fanning against my skin, tiny grunts rumbling from his tummy. Even Oreo managed to settle down for a snuggle. Photos pending on the little darlings. I did contact my PhD counselor/Psychologist friend and scheduled a time to meet her on Weds. Maybe she will help me get some of my thin...

Just to clarify, I would rather stay married to my husband if things would change. After 20 years, there was still plenty of sex ---way above average, and I got well over my quota of touches per day. He used to tell me he loved me in his sleep and I believed him. I do believe he loves me in his own dysfunctional way. For a long time, I was able to keep him on an even keel---give him sound advice, help him make plans, stick to them, sometimes complete them. However, there seems to be this idea that he can do better than me, which is totally possible. On the other side of it, yes I know that on an emotional level I have been abused, misused, mistreated, poorly cared for in every area but the physical. Yet that wasn't the whole of our marriage. oh crap. yes it was :/ nevermind.

My Sunday: woke up at five am. didn't feel like breakfast put on new outfit -- giddyup! went to pick up daughter ruffled son's sleepy feathers--he's mah baby. peeked into hubby's room--looked like a dresser threw up all over the floor. Gosh HATE it when that happens. LOVE it that I don't have to care. went to Financial Peace class with daughter took daughter out to eat and had a nice talk with her took daughter home had EXsex. OOPS I did it again. I am SO Britney went shopping and bought CLOTHES. ohmigosh, this is scary... britney's music is SPEAKING to me today . That might be a bad sign! I was driving home yesterday after an hour or so of just shopping for ME, just ME --clothes to get me goin on a change of lifestyle. It was a beautiful, beautiful day. The wind was blowing through my open car windows, caressing my hair. I had the stereo on, listening to tunez and happy with...