self pity, grief, gratitude
One thing I never imagined I would be---a single mother, or divorced for that matter.
Odd thing about grief is that it sneaks up unexpectedly. Just when I'm sure that I'm okay, WHAM there it is again: that desire to scream, to fall in a heap on the floor, to weep and wail at the unfairness of it all. I felt that way after my father died and here it is again. I recognize it.
What is different about this feeling is the sense of complete and total abandonment. How can he not care about his child on a daily basis? Why doesn't he at least email him? For 20 years, he was involved in supporting this family and now he has completely walked away from that responsibility. I don't know if I will ever be able to comprehend it or wrap my brain around it.
Of course I am not the only one who has had to go through this. Many women have had much worse situations than mine. I know this. mm okay had my cry. I feel better. whew. durn it.
My son is a good boy. He still likes to hug me, even if he is 11. Maybe part of it is due to this situation--maybe he needs that extra comfort and reassurance. I went to talk to him during an assembly today. He put his arm around me and hugged me right there in public. Later, I brought him lunch after the pep rally and he hugged me again.
Back to work now. sigh.
Odd thing about grief is that it sneaks up unexpectedly. Just when I'm sure that I'm okay, WHAM there it is again: that desire to scream, to fall in a heap on the floor, to weep and wail at the unfairness of it all. I felt that way after my father died and here it is again. I recognize it.
What is different about this feeling is the sense of complete and total abandonment. How can he not care about his child on a daily basis? Why doesn't he at least email him? For 20 years, he was involved in supporting this family and now he has completely walked away from that responsibility. I don't know if I will ever be able to comprehend it or wrap my brain around it.
Of course I am not the only one who has had to go through this. Many women have had much worse situations than mine. I know this. mm okay had my cry. I feel better. whew. durn it.
My son is a good boy. He still likes to hug me, even if he is 11. Maybe part of it is due to this situation--maybe he needs that extra comfort and reassurance. I went to talk to him during an assembly today. He put his arm around me and hugged me right there in public. Later, I brought him lunch after the pep rally and he hugged me again.
Back to work now. sigh.
When we started our divorce, we had to go to a children in divorce class. One of the things they talked about was how much a divorce is like a death. You go through all the stages...they grief, anger, I don't remember them all, but they are all there. There are times now I have strange feelings about it all...My grandparents were married more than 67 years before my grandpa died. That was what I wanted. My parents have been married 47 years...that is what I wanted. But my mom said what good is a long marriage if you are miserable the whole time?? So after thinking about it...she is right. I do feel bad that your ex is not seeming to care about his kids. My ex has told my daughter that she can pretty much do what he wants and will stay our of her business if she doesn't get into any trouble! Not a good thing to tell a 17 year old. Even if she does have a good head on her shoulder. I tell ya, I don't understand some of these fathers.
ReplyDeleteHang in there hon....hugs