BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

Here was my family. Sadness. Sad. sad. sad me.

I've been trying to stay busy and active lately---working on the lawn at the house, cleaning around my apartment, going out, doing things until evening. Staying home, sitting or lying around was making me feel like death. I'm too young to feel that way so being busy is the way to go. SO, have been trying to conquer the jungle of a backyard with an old fashion push reel mower and a weed eater. WHEW that's crazy. I borrowed the neighbor's gas powered push mower for awhile yesterday, but the unaccustomed movements of having to start that thing several times almost did me in later in back/muscle spasms. A heating pad would have been great. If someone had called me and told me he/she was in pain with back spasms, I would have ran out and bought a heating pad or gotten one to bring over. NOPE none of my family seemed inclined to help. Times like that I really miss my X. It was nice having someone to help me when I needed it. Pretty sad that I run out to help others b

Another text this morning: "Just say stop and I will delete your number" I ignored and deleted that. Then, a few hours later, a phone call ignored. This time he left a voice mail. I made the mistake of listening to it. "I guess your avoiding my call. I don't know if there is something wrong with your phone, or you just don't want to talk to me anymore. Just tell me to stop and I'll leave you alone." I wish he had never drunk texted me. Maybe I wish I had never met him. I don't want to talk to him. I really don't want to have a conversation with him. If I answer him back and say STOP, then he might answer me back. Later: I went ahead and texted him to "stop please". Maybe that will be the end of it. I'm sad.

Another text from Fred yesterday: "Are you ignoring me?" Well gee, I can't answer that because I'm ignoring you! The problem is that if I answer, that will be a round of texts which I'm trying to avoid having with him. When my resolve weakens, I just remember how many times he's made me feel like an idiot, or made me cry---that helps. Plus, I always delete right away, so I don't have his number. Trying to get over a boyfriend? Delete, delete, delete. Don't keep him on your contact list, buddy list, Facebook, or friend list. If you don't see him/her you won't be tempted to reach out again. It hurts, but it's the best way I know how. Unfortunately, I've had to do it a few times. I've put some items on Craigslist from the house, hoping to get enough money to pay off the utility bills left by my sister. Yesterday, the mortgage company got a hold of me and suggested I try to get it listed for a short sale. I guess that might be

Fred (the drunk texter ) has texted me at least ten times and called me 2 or 3 times, none of which I have answered. I like Fred, but have gotten off that roller coaster. Sux. Spent the first days of my summer sick with a cold--hate it when that happens! Woke up today wondering what to do with myself. Cleaned, vacuumed, opened the blinds to let the sunshine in. Kinda feel like I need to get out, do something, take a up a hobby, drive until the map turns blue. RESTLESS. My friend Joe is wanting me to be his girlfriend. I've already told you about the issues there... I need to get myself to a lawyer soon, to finish off the details of foreclosure etc. My sister left me with a bunch of bills from when she stayed in the house. Really makes it hard on me.... Would like to get some flowers for my patio, but hope to travel. If I did, the flowers would be dead anyway. SO, am refraining. Renewed my lease for the apartment until November. Hope I did the right thing there. I want to get