BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

Okay the funniest thing happened. I told you that widower was not going down gracefully. He sent me texts back and forth which made things awkward until I got him to accept the fact that we weren't going anywhere. Since I knew that our relationship wasn't gonna progress, combined with the fact that he is still in the middle of the grieving process etc I told him it was best we not see each other. If I thought he could accept just being friends and not get hurt more than he already is, that would be a different story... SO just as I thought that was settled, I got a call from his younger friend called Roach---a 35 year old strapping young lad who is a drunk father of several children by several different women, the most recent child is a month or so. Anyhoo, he called to ask me why I broke up with his friend the widower and ended up hitting on me !!!! Apparently, I am not hideous and the fact that I am a teacher is uber hot to his intoxicated brain! LOL. In very colorfully...

k, things are a bit confusing right now.. first, another key broke on the fantabulous laptop purchased by my ex our last Christmas as a couple. now my shift key doesn't work. swell. that makes three keys down. I've been a bit confused about things lately. too many men make julie a bit overwhelmed. thing is, this new one is taking up all my time and attention. he is 44, handsome, funny, seems to really like me and we have had so many dates in the past ten days, i have lost count. welp we will see. meanwhile, i have trouble shaking the idea that if he likes me, something must be wrong with him. I've had to let widower slide. number one, he smokes, even though he said he didn't. number two, he has some serious health issues, number three, he is still mourning his wife---its only been since June, after all. and, he's a bit too old for me. 13 years is quite a leap. so far, he isn't taking it lyin down tho. wants to keep connected. plus, i like navy seal bun...

Yesterday morning, X called Son's cell phone asking him to come over this weekend. Son asked me if he could. I said no, that his dad needed to make arrangements with me first, but as I looked at my boy who was blinking back tears, I almost caved. Later in the day, I explained to him again that he could see his dad whenever his dad asked me. This morning, his dad texted him: X: I miss you Son: I do too, call mom and tell her you wanna see me this weekend X: [I'm sure this is your mom] writing this but its your call if you think i am still your dad i hate her Son: Dad, please just contact mom you dont need to like her X: U realize she does not want you to see me,... I will not talk to her. If i move away... i wont see u till you are 18,... Soooo sad Son: No its still you its not hard to call mom and tell her you wanna see me X: U are missing out on the toys i wanted to buy for you Son: Objection! Bribery is not nice I let Son deal with all his texting...

I'm doing well---feeling fine. Son is back to his sweet cuddly self. I took him out to dinner and a movie last night since he will be leaving for the rest of the week with my brother and family. The sun was shining; I was feeling at peace and had an impulse. Yeah, I'm a goober. We stopped by and asked if X wanted to join us. He didn't. Apparently, he thinks Navy guy lives in my house. lol. Son talked to him while I waited in the car. Anyhoo, we went and had a good time. Later, checked my email and there was a message from X. Here it is: Congratulations!! You have managed to clean out Papi and mami's bank account. They will love you soo much for that. That's the only money they have for Indonesia. Way to go. Don't bother replying,.. I have been throwing out your emails. Umm, Yeah. welp that's odd. I have NO idea what it means but sure hope it means money is coming my way. Apparently I have random superpowers, the ability to clear out other peop...

Things have been interesting around here. Seems like the man situation is either flood or famine. (sorry about that picture. I just had to. Seems the boys used a "fluffer") lol. I go out with Widower once a week and talk to him on the phone every night. Navy guy is still around and we have been been hanging out quite a bit, talking on the phone. He even calls ME once in awhile or texts me. Seems that my having dates caused him to take more of an interest in me or at least show it. I went on a date last nite with a nice man who is a former Pastor. He was very nice and I enjoyed visiting with him---hope he calls back but from experience, I am not going to hold my breath. There are two other guys who I will probably have a date with in the near future, we'll see how that goes. Truck-Fix-It guy called me to chat the other day but he seems so busy with his children that it's hard to connect with him. That's okay with me though. Army guy called to wish me hap...

Welp, I am officially on Spring Break. I have no plans other than dates, cleaning house, resting, etc. Tonite, son and I are going to see Alice in Wonderland with widower. Unfortunately, X texted son asking him to come over last night. When he called, he was giving son a hard time about why didn't come over last weekend or last night. I could hear him. When I took the phone away to speak to X, he hung up. He called back and continued his fussing until son was becoming teary eyed at which point I took the phone to listen --- he was telling son to be angry at me because I am the one being difficult and that he (X) does NOT have to talk to me in order to see son. Yeah, well he is mistaken. He told me IN PERSON that son is no longer welcome. SO he needs to tell me that he has changed his mind. Meanwhile, I am going back to court with my documented evidence regarding his behavior. Today, I received a beautiful little bouquet in the mail from a dear friend. Made my day!

X knocked on my door Tuesday evening unexpectedly. Navy guy was lying on the couch still recovering from back problems. X wanted his stuff back that he had given -- vacuum, bp monitor and the guitar he'd given to son to learn on. Feeling mischievous, I said sure, come on in. Navy guy, meet X; X meet Navy guy . X didn't have much to say. I made him get his own guitar back from his son. Let him do his own dirty work. Set the vacuum on the front step then closed and locked the door again. An email from me to X: I know you don't want my opinion, but I cannot help but try. Do you realize that what you did yesterday, the way you treated your son was exactly like your father treats you? You didn't say Hi to him, just demanded your guitar back. When he brought you your bp monitor, instead of thanking him you demanded the bag. You disown him every time you turn around-- sometimes even going so far as to tell him so. You stand over him screaming and threatening him with...

To X: If you could give some money to help cover your student loan payment that comes out of my checking account on the 8th, that would be nice. As my finances now stand, it will probably bounce. I have 135 dollars coming out every month for your student loans. To Me: I am sinking deeper every month, now that I have to pay child support again I won't be able to make that payment. I have mortgage to pay and utilities, for get credit cards and living expenses. I'm barely hanging on for the next few months to save up for a deposit for an apartment. To X: Sounds like you need to sell everything in that house and get rid of it. Rent a room somewhere. You don't need to be paying their mortgage now that they are gone. After this email, X unexpectedly called daughter and asked HER to call me to say he wanted to pick Son up Friday night instead of Saturday as it has always been. Since I had a date Friday night and X won''t give his phone number to me or the children, I...

Tuesday I had a brief meltdown at work after having spent time getting papers together for the court appearance --guess it just got to me a bit. But my friend there at work is so supportive and talked me through it so I was able to go back to class until time to leave. They wanted him to pay 45 extra a month on the back child support but he refused, wanting to pay only 20 more. So they gave him a continuance until May 24th when we will go before a judge. I didn't see him except for when I came out of meeting with the case worker. I just looked at him and went to sit down. End of story. It did sour my mood for the rest of the day but I have been fine the rest of the week. Widower calls me every evening to chit chat and we will go out to dinner and a movie tonite. Navy guy actually called me Wednesday to see how the hearing went. I was happy that he showed some concern. I speak to him at least once a day also. There have been construction/ road worker guys up and down my road ...

Friday night, I had a date for dinner and a movie with an older gentleman (widower). He isn't the big burly type which I prefer, but we had a good time -- stayed out until about two am-ish. Saturday morning as I was sitting in my driveway defrosting my car, X pulled up looking all lemon-sucky-face asking for son who had spent the night at my brother's. Guess he had just returned from China the night before. So, I went and got son to drop off at his father's. In the afternoon, I went with my favorite trucker grocery shopping and running errands. I dunno why, but I love being with him. grrrr. He's a big guy; his belly sometimes hangs out from below his shirt; he's all hairy and doesn't brush his teeth but I'm kinda crazy about him. sigh. Saturday night, I had another date with the widower--- went to watch him "jam" with his band, hang out with his friends, etc. Downside: They all smoke and drink. I don't. Even so, I had a good time. Sund...