Empty Arms


It was a rough weekend. I was feeling pretty blue to begin with--grieving the loss of my little family which has shattered to pieces, leaving just me and my son under one roof. Dunno what precipitated that pity party, but it was going on since Thursday.

Friday, Son's father didn't call, text, or come to pick him up. Son was not inclined to make the effort either. I guess he figures that if his father wants him, he'd initiate. Saturday morning was particularly rough because Son had Saturday School---kind of like detention on Saturday, for being tardy to class after PE. Moving fast is not his strong suit ever. Plus, he doesn't wake up and get going easily either.

Basically, Saturday was filled with Son's fussing, homework, tears, slamming of doors,and lot's of I-hate-you's. Yeah, pretty miserable all the way around. I think maybe it was a reaction to how he feels about what's happening with his dad. OR not happening. It culminated in Son sobbing in his bedroom. I couldn't take it, so we ended up having a "do-over" and went out to a movie---"Tangled" by Walt Disney- an AWESOME movie and the best I have seen in a long time!!!

The men in my life were AWOL this weekend as well. :(( It seems to be feast or famine with me. Even so, Son's 12-year-old angst kept me quite busy. I just want someone who will be around on a regular basis. Is that too much to ask? I'm lonely :( sigh. Guess having Son is a blessing--other wise I would be REALLY alone.

I didn't receive child support for November which was a bummer because I was half counting on it. Major suckage and not the good kind.

On the bright side, my little apartment is neat, clean, and cute as anything. My furniture looks good in it and I brought the least amount of junk possible. I'm really enjoying the fact that it's so easy to keep. We got our Christmas decorations up---lots of snowmen which make me happy.
So, all said and done, life feels pretty good and my arms feel pretty empty.
smooch to ya'll.

Comments

  1. tamra leeDecember 7, 2010 at 8:21 PM

    I am sorry your son is having a rough time. I wish people would think about their kids and understand that their actions/communication or lack thereof really can hurt.
    I am sorry you are feeling lonely. I have been feeling that way too. I thought Merv was coming before Christmas, but doesn't look like it. Kinda broke my heart some. Trying really hard to be patient. One of these days I guess...
    I am so happy you are liking your apartment! I am glad you have it decorated and ready for Christmas! Snowmen are awesome! hehe
    Hang in there, my friend. Keep that beautiful smile on your face and know there are lots of us who love you and think you are a wonderful person! <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. tamra leeDecember 7, 2010 at 8:22 PM

    oops...forgot to say I took my almost 3 year old granddaughter to Tangled--her very first movie in a theater! She was so good and I loved that movie!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. jaykbeeDecember 9, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    aww I'm sorry that Merv didn't come. Of course it broke your heart a bit! So hard to wait. Tangled was AWESOME!

    ReplyDelete
  4. tamra leeDecember 18, 2010 at 11:50 PM

    thanks, hon. It is very hard to wait. Sometimes I don't think he will ever come over.

    ReplyDelete
  5. jaykbeeDecember 20, 2010 at 6:41 AM

    What is the hold up, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  6. tamra leeDecember 29, 2010 at 10:24 PM

    money I guess. But I don't know. Sometimes I am not sure if he likes it better this way? I know he says he wants to be here more than anything, but makes me wonder once in awhile, ya know?

    ReplyDelete
  7. jaykbeeJanuary 1, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    I hear ya, sistah friend. The first meeting is the scariest, that's for sure. I'm of the opinion that where there is a will, there's a way. Hope it works out for ya both

    ReplyDelete
  8. tamra leeJanuary 1, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    Thank you for your well wishes, hon. I do appreciate that. Guess we will see what happens this year! I hope that 2011 is full of happiness, joy and love for you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting away from life

Did I tell you Ex is leaving for China / Indonesia to meet his gf for the first time and then see his family--possibly get a job there. He is going to leave me with a shambles of a house to clean up, his children to take care of, and his credit card bill collectors to tell that he doesn't live there anymore. I think I will change the phone number. I am not sure how I feel about all this. Maybe a bit scared of taking on the financial burdens with little hope of child support and no alimony. Going back into the same old house isnt my idea of fun either. Yet, I know that I can clean it up, repaint. I can do it. The lawn in the back has reached mid calf already. Probably he will leave that for me also---just as well. Last year it took him all summer to get the lawn finished through ONE time. It's not a big lawn.... I dunno, maybe he has the right idea-- new place, new start. If I had the money, I'd give him some just to hurry him along even if it means he is leaving my
Read more
Image
I'm mad at him for ripping my life apart. I'm mad because he married his China girl and hasn't told his kids and still tries to sleep with me. I don't know if there is anything valuable left in me. I gave him all I had and it wasn't good enough. Those were the best years of my youth, beauty, enthusiasm. Who wants the bits and pieces left behind? Frankly, there are still many times when I don't want to live, when I actually imagine slicing into my vein, when this life seems too hard, difficult, pointless. But, I love my children, my dogs, my mom. and so I go on.
Read more