I just want to be held.

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Empty Arms

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It was a rough weekend. I was feeling pretty blue to begin with--grieving the loss of my little family which has shattered to pieces, leaving just me and my son under one roof. Dunno what precipitated that pity party, but it was going on since Thursday. Friday, Son's father didn't call, text, or come to pick him up. Son was not inclined to make the effort either. I guess he figures that if his father wants him, he'd initiate. Saturday morning was particularly rough because Son had Saturday School---kind of like detention on Saturday, for being tardy to class after PE. Moving fast is not his strong suit ever. Plus, he doesn't wake up and get going easily either. Basically, Saturday was filled with Son's fussing, homework, tears, slamming of doors,and lot's of I-hate-you's. Yeah, pretty miserable all the way around. I think maybe it was a reaction to how he feels about what's happening with his dad. OR not happening. It culminated in Son sobbing in hi...
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I'm mad at him for ripping my life apart. I'm mad because he married his China girl and hasn't told his kids and still tries to sleep with me. I don't know if there is anything valuable left in me. I gave him all I had and it wasn't good enough. Those were the best years of my youth, beauty, enthusiasm. Who wants the bits and pieces left behind? Frankly, there are still many times when I don't want to live, when I actually imagine slicing into my vein, when this life seems too hard, difficult, pointless. But, I love my children, my dogs, my mom. and so I go on.
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Keystone Cops R US

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Okay, we just did a Keystone Cops routine . I went in, puppies ran out. English bulldog from next door chased puppies around the yard. I chased English bulldog who was chasing the puppies around the yard, into my house where I chased them all aroun d again until they all ran back outside. Got puppies back in and English bulldog out. Opened the door to call my son in, and they were off!!!!! Did it all again, but this time, the neighbor lady and her daughter chased the bulldog who was chasing the puppies and I chased her and her daughter who were chasing the puppies, back into my house again. Whew, I'm tired!
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