I just want to be held.

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Frustration

One of the greatest frustrations that I deal with now that I'm disabled, is that no one can truly understand what I'm going through.  There is such a wide array of problems that now make my life difficult, it's impossible to explain really.  I know it is unreasonable of me to expect that, no one can possibly step into another person's situation to understand.  Nonetheless, it is upsetting. I'm hoping that eventually, I can come to terms with all of this.
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smashed

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It was pouring rain most of the day yesterday. I love the rain--especially if I can stay home and relax. Alas, that was not the case yesterday. There was several inches on the road last night as I was driving my daughter to work then myself home. When I got there, I decided to open the trunk to take my vacuum cleaner out, place my purse there, get the mail, then come back for my purse/keys. Unfortunately, I grabbed my purse and left my keys in the trunk as I shut it. Whoops! So, there we were. Standing in the driveway without a house key, car key or cell phone in the pouring rain. Pondering my few options, none of them seemed viable. Next to my door is a narrow window that has been cracked for years (pictured above). X never got around to fixing it. SO, I took the shovel and smashed it all. Then, reached in and unlocked my door. Son was astounded. lol. I figure it will force me to replace that window ASAP. I did try to board it up but couldn't do it properly. Guess I am not as stro...
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Life is unpredictable

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I wish I didn't care if my ex lives or dies. I care too much, mostly for the sake of my children, partly for hopes and dreams long gone but unforgotten, for a future unfulfilled. My heart is torn so many ways for so many reasons. I don't know how I go on. I never knew there were so many tears to cry, so many regrets to have.  Last Winter, his kidneys shut down completely.  I had to make immediate plans to get the kids over to JAKARTA to see their father just in case the worst happen.  Oh yeah.  He moved to the other side of the world, away from his children, away from his Chinese wife. I forgot to tell you that, didn't I?   He gave his children one weeks notice that he was leaving.  It broke their hearts and continues to do so on a regular basis.  Me?  I gave him a ride to the airport with the kids, after having helped him pack up things and move things from the apartment.  Why would I help?  Well... I couldn't let my kids do all t...
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