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control

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Son to father: Sent: Fri, November 20, 2009 12:28:26 PM Subject: Re: Come over ... i guess you dont wanna see me... Father to son: I always want to see you,.. don't you ever say that. In case your mother is reading this email,... tell her its up to you and her if you want to see me,.. not me. I have no say at all,... she want to punish you by not letting you see me then its her problem. But I will not deal with her regarding making arrangements to when I can or can not see you. She can't control me any more. SO come over when she says yes and don't come over when she says no. I will not beg her just to see you. I really miss you soooooo much but my hands are tied. When you are 18, she has no control over you and we can have some real fun together. So come over anytime. Love Daddy My first instinct is to turn it back on me. What is wrong with me? How could I have been such an idiot for so long, blah blah melt into a little puddle of self pity, hurt, hysteria. Not ...
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Now

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I will no longer search for signs of your love as a private investigator searches for clues. I will no longer dissect every conversation looking for hidden meaning. I will no longer brush carefully at a pile of dusty bones seeking proof that your love existed. Now, I dance down life's beaches glorying in the sun and surf welcoming the wind in my hair now and again stooping to scoop seashells up from the love-strewn shore. Now, I find love in the open. jayksee May 2010
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Frustration

One of the greatest frustrations that I deal with now that I'm disabled, is that no one can truly understand what I'm going through.  There is such a wide array of problems that now make my life difficult, it's impossible to explain really.  I know it is unreasonable of me to expect that, no one can possibly step into another person's situation to understand.  Nonetheless, it is upsetting. I'm hoping that eventually, I can come to terms with all of this.
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