bittersweet

I've always been astounded by the bittersweet moments of life--in moments, of near happiness the sharp little pangs of sorrow. Where I am staying, in my mother's house, there are windows everywhere, windows that can be OPENED, windows with SCREENS! I take pleasure in the simple act of making my twin size bed with it's ble and white quilt patterned texture, arranging the pillows just so, pulling back the seafoam green curtains with my late grandmother's beautiful lace sheers that I always admired. Here I open the windows and feel the gentle breeze as I sit near the window with my computer at my fingertips. Here I can sleep with the window open--it's a joy!

Yet here I am without my children together and have only my own arms to wrap around myself as I sleep---bittersweet.

My daughter is here with me today and will spend the night. We went to our class together, picked up a few things at the store -- material for her prom dress, flower for her hair, etc. She mentioned spending the night! I am happy. Yet as I was shopping, I picked up matching pajamas for my mom, daughter, and me. Tonite we will match like three peas in a pod. Okay well techincally she will match my mom. (I couldn't resist the yellow shirt with the crown-on-the head frog; it just seemed to match my circumstances. )

It's like I have woken from a dream. Suddenly I take joy in little things like matching slippers, open windows, matching pajamas with my daughter. Why did I wait so long? Only now do I stroke her hair, tell her how beautiful she is, enjoy picking out flowers for her hair. Where have I been and why did I take so long to get here?

See what I mean? Bittersweet.