REWIND
Mmm.okay, that didn't work. I called to speak to son last night. His father answered and was not going to allow me to!? He finally did for a few minutes before snatching the phone away and saying that he was gonna get rid of the house and leave town. blah blah.
Anyway, my divorce almost turned NASTY. So, I went over there to sort it out. My mom REALLY didn't want to coz was afraid I would be physically hurt. I wasn't.
He wasn't going to talk to me at first, was being pretty nasty. I finally walked in the bedroom and found the real source of the problem: the papers arrived in the mail. I called him in there telling him that I understood that it was upsetting---upset me too signing them. blah blah
Bottom line is we slung "You did this, that" back and forth for a few until I finally stopped it and said okay okay lets just stop that. No point. You were right. It WAS wrong from the beginning. I loved you, wanted you but you didn't love me, didn't want to marry me. We tried to make it work but how do you make that work? I tried to change him; he tried to change me but after twenty years he still doesn't want to be married to me and I still want to be married to him. NOTHING really changed there. gosh. I think he might be serious.
We tried, thought we had it but ultimately it came back down to where we started: I wasn't what he wanted and he couldn't make me be. and vice versa.
So we went back to amicable. I am going to take his calls. We are going to stop talking about the past. He is going to put a password on his screen saver (my suggestion) coz hey, if it's there, I'm looking! (just sayin.)
I helped him figure out the papers ---too much for him to deal with no surprise there.
Yeah, I went calmed him down and made a plan as usual. I dunno what he is gonna do without me. I can't do that forever but if I need to in order to get through this divorce. hey, whatever, I am going to do that.
Sure, I had to cry before he softened up --- it always works. Thankfully, I always have tears!
It was worth it. Maybe I didn't have a good marriage, but if I can, I am sure as hell going to have a better divorce.
Anyway, my divorce almost turned NASTY. So, I went over there to sort it out. My mom REALLY didn't want to coz was afraid I would be physically hurt. I wasn't.
He wasn't going to talk to me at first, was being pretty nasty. I finally walked in the bedroom and found the real source of the problem: the papers arrived in the mail. I called him in there telling him that I understood that it was upsetting---upset me too signing them. blah blah
Bottom line is we slung "You did this, that" back and forth for a few until I finally stopped it and said okay okay lets just stop that. No point. You were right. It WAS wrong from the beginning. I loved you, wanted you but you didn't love me, didn't want to marry me. We tried to make it work but how do you make that work? I tried to change him; he tried to change me but after twenty years he still doesn't want to be married to me and I still want to be married to him. NOTHING really changed there. gosh. I think he might be serious.
We tried, thought we had it but ultimately it came back down to where we started: I wasn't what he wanted and he couldn't make me be. and vice versa.
So we went back to amicable. I am going to take his calls. We are going to stop talking about the past. He is going to put a password on his screen saver (my suggestion) coz hey, if it's there, I'm looking! (just sayin.)
I helped him figure out the papers ---too much for him to deal with no surprise there.
Yeah, I went calmed him down and made a plan as usual. I dunno what he is gonna do without me. I can't do that forever but if I need to in order to get through this divorce. hey, whatever, I am going to do that.
Sure, I had to cry before he softened up --- it always works. Thankfully, I always have tears!
It was worth it. Maybe I didn't have a good marriage, but if I can, I am sure as hell going to have a better divorce.
Twenty years is a long time. I'm sorry that you can't make things work after so many years. I would probably be bitter so I'm not a good one to give any suggestions. It sounds like you know what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteSweetie