I can't save him.
Today, I suddenly was unsure. Did I do the right thing by leaving? He probably would never have gotten around to leaving me, no matter what he said. So, I went to my boss who has been very supportive and asked her to tell me again why I had to go. She asked me if I would want my daughter to stay in the same situation with a man who treated her as I have been treated. Of course, I wouldn't. Anyway, after she told me a couple things, I thanked her and went back to work.
This evening I received a call from hubby who had been to see his credit counselor. He was all worked up about how he needs to make 3000 a month to cover his expenses, might as well just leave the country and not come back, etc. He had me going for a bit until I got tired of it and told him to suck it up and quit whining. "Get another job, do what you have to do and take care of your business!" I reminded him that people all over the country are going thru a similar situation, to just pay his basic expenses first and then pay what he can on the credit cards etc.
When he hung up ---wasn't interested in talking to me after that, I almost went over there. It's always been me who would jump in, come up with a plan, calm him down, take control of the situation. I did that for twenty years. But I realized that I cannot do it anymore. He needs to learn to face up to his responsibilities, think through them and come up with his own solutions. OR, he could choose to run away. Whatever he does, he will have to live with. If somewhere in there, he suddenly realizes that maybe I wasn't such a bad wife after all, great. If not, I know the truth. I'd make someone a great husband!
This evening I received a call from hubby who had been to see his credit counselor. He was all worked up about how he needs to make 3000 a month to cover his expenses, might as well just leave the country and not come back, etc. He had me going for a bit until I got tired of it and told him to suck it up and quit whining. "Get another job, do what you have to do and take care of your business!" I reminded him that people all over the country are going thru a similar situation, to just pay his basic expenses first and then pay what he can on the credit cards etc.
When he hung up ---wasn't interested in talking to me after that, I almost went over there. It's always been me who would jump in, come up with a plan, calm him down, take control of the situation. I did that for twenty years. But I realized that I cannot do it anymore. He needs to learn to face up to his responsibilities, think through them and come up with his own solutions. OR, he could choose to run away. Whatever he does, he will have to live with. If somewhere in there, he suddenly realizes that maybe I wasn't such a bad wife after all, great. If not, I know the truth. I'd make someone a great husband!
Ah, it is hard to grow up after all these years when a man hasn't had to do it before. Stand your ground. Treat him like a pre-teen who has to learn consequences..... You did good by NOT jumping in!
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