BESIDE MYSELF--Starting Over

It's a weird situation to be in --- taking care of my mom.  Currently, her mental capacity is somewhere between child and preteen, I think.  She is preparing to go to church with my brother and sister-in-law.  So far, she's come to ask me what she is supposed to do with her hair, where is her lipstick, what does she do with eye shadow, and where is her cane.  If told too early, she will get ready hours in advance and be all dressed up waiting impatiently. I think she used coloring pencils to put her eyebrows on.   Does that even work?  She has eyebrows on, so maybe it does. She's been in extra pain for a month now since she fell off the bed, landing hard on her side.  Her right hip is more painful than normal.  Yesterday, she said she might need to see a doctor, which is fine, but even if it's cracked or anything then they would want to do surgery.  I don't think she can make it through the process of x-rays, dr. visits, surgery and ...

Remember that huge, annoying situation that wouldn't go away?  I solved that.  As of July, I've moved onward and upward.   Because I'm such a catch, I have had a boyfriend for several months now and he is amazing. Even so, I'm not rushing into things.  I am pretty optimistic though.  Dating in one's fifties is not for the faint of heart.  Try adding disability to that mix.  Even more daunting.  I'm pretty blessed that I found someone who embraces me exactly as I am.  There was a trial for the person responsible for my disability (well the one they caught of the group).  He was found guilty, so I will accept that as sufficient.

Look what I brought to the curb, even with a walker! Dragging the dumpster with one hand, holding on to my walker for support with the other wasn't particularly pleasant, but not impossible---which actually is a pretty accurate description of my life lately. Hold on a second while I repeat that to myself: *My life isn't pleasant lately, but it's not impossible.**** (Yes, I know. It brings to mind that "all things are possible for those who believe" and in God all things ARE possible). I've been feeling that this summer has been the worst. Last summer, I got shot! That actually was the easy part. Even the hospital, in hindsight, feels like it was the easy part. Anyhooooo, covered in blankets, sleeping days away due to medication and feeling pain/paralysis/spasticity creeping up is not my fav way to spend my days. I am looking forward to school starting back up! All of that gloom and doom can take over if left unchecked. Then, there are evenings when I...

So much has happened, that I cannot even put here.  So I'm going to avoid one huge annoying aggravating situation that won't go away.   Instead, let me fast forward a bit.  I got shot in the back with a shotgun during a robbery in front of my home last year.  Almost exactly one year ago.   I now carry 9 pieces of lead buckshot in my upper back which hurts, nerve pain, and partial paralysis which actually has its own name:  Brown Sequard Syndrome.   Annoying is what I call it. Doctors refuse to remove the buckshot (I've talked to 3-4 different ones so far). I can't list all the things I've lost anywhere else, but you don't mind if I do right?  Well it's my blog post, so I will attempt to: I can't sleep on my side or pretty much any position other than my back  which means I cannot snuggle or sleep in my husband's arms.   Due to that and his own disabilities, sex is not possible or anything resembling it really.   In fa...

I wish I didn't care if my ex lives or dies. I care too much, mostly for the sake of my children, partly for hopes and dreams long gone but unforgotten, for a future unfulfilled. My heart is torn so many ways for so many reasons. I don't know how I go on. I never knew there were so many tears to cry, so many regrets to have.  Last Winter, his kidneys shut down completely.  I had to make immediate plans to get the kids over to JAKARTA to see their father just in case the worst happen.  Oh yeah.  He moved to the other side of the world, away from his children, away from his Chinese wife. I forgot to tell you that, didn't I?   He gave his children one weeks notice that he was leaving.  It broke their hearts and continues to do so on a regular basis.  Me?  I gave him a ride to the airport with the kids, after having helped him pack up things and move things from the apartment.  Why would I help?  Well... I couldn't let my kids do all t...

  From the article "6 Things Not to Share Unless You're SURE You Won't Break Up" ---- This one, I identify the most with:   "Your cutesy relationship/lifestyle blog.  We've all read 'em. Those mommy blogs full of pictures of happy, smiley, attractive, usually Mormon families who seem to live in homes that could only exist on Pinterest and who always, ALWAYS seem to have perfect marriages to handsome husbands who wear bowties a lot. These women literally make a living showing you how to lead a good life. Seems like a pretty sweet gig, right? But before you go sign up for your Blogspot account, you gotta be REALLY sure about your  relationship  because can you even imagine having to explain to the thousands of strangers who you have let into your life that, oops! Harold actually got a wandering eye at a bowtie convention and now our life is in shambles. Let's leave the public relationship humiliation to the celebrities, okay? " :(