Life is unpredictable
I wish I didn't care if my ex lives or dies. I care too much, mostly for the sake of my children, partly for hopes and dreams long gone but unforgotten, for a future unfulfilled. My heart is torn so many ways for so many reasons. I don't know how I go on. I never knew there were so many tears to cry, so many regrets to have.
Last Winter, his kidneys shut down completely. I had to make immediate plans to get the kids over to JAKARTA to see their father just in case the worst happen. Oh yeah. He moved to the other side of the world, away from his children, away from his Chinese wife. I forgot to tell you that, didn't I?
He gave his children one weeks notice that he was leaving. It broke their hearts and continues to do so on a regular basis. Me? I gave him a ride to the airport with the kids, after having helped him pack up things and move things from the apartment. Why would I help? Well... I couldn't let my kids do all that work on their own. Also, I needed to support my children, even if my current husband wasn't thrilled. He wasn't.
So, back to last winter---- daughter got a credit card to charge our tickets on; I had to take a week off of work AFTER Spring break was over. He almost died a week before we left from bleeding out after a surgery to put in a dialysis port or something.
Before, I knew it, I was on a plane back to the one place on the planet I'd never thought I'd see again to visit the last person on the planet I'd ever thought to spend that kinda money on. Preparing to go, dealing with his possible imminent mortality, dealing with my husband's feelings on the matter just about drove me INSANE from the stress. The family in Jakarta was very kind and generous toward us, took us places, treated us, spent money on the kids, but it was like being in the twilight zone! We were walking around as if we were a family, but there was absolutely no connection between me and their dad really. Just like acquaintances. It was surreal and kinda sad to go back to a life where I had so many hopes and dreams but all of those aspects no longer exist. sigh.
I'm glad that I was able to do that for my children. My son was so happy that he glowed with it. Hadn't seen him so happy in years. He was so sad without his father and still is but seems to cope better.
Last Winter, his kidneys shut down completely. I had to make immediate plans to get the kids over to JAKARTA to see their father just in case the worst happen. Oh yeah. He moved to the other side of the world, away from his children, away from his Chinese wife. I forgot to tell you that, didn't I?
He gave his children one weeks notice that he was leaving. It broke their hearts and continues to do so on a regular basis. Me? I gave him a ride to the airport with the kids, after having helped him pack up things and move things from the apartment. Why would I help? Well... I couldn't let my kids do all that work on their own. Also, I needed to support my children, even if my current husband wasn't thrilled. He wasn't.
So, back to last winter---- daughter got a credit card to charge our tickets on; I had to take a week off of work AFTER Spring break was over. He almost died a week before we left from bleeding out after a surgery to put in a dialysis port or something.
Before, I knew it, I was on a plane back to the one place on the planet I'd never thought I'd see again to visit the last person on the planet I'd ever thought to spend that kinda money on. Preparing to go, dealing with his possible imminent mortality, dealing with my husband's feelings on the matter just about drove me INSANE from the stress. The family in Jakarta was very kind and generous toward us, took us places, treated us, spent money on the kids, but it was like being in the twilight zone! We were walking around as if we were a family, but there was absolutely no connection between me and their dad really. Just like acquaintances. It was surreal and kinda sad to go back to a life where I had so many hopes and dreams but all of those aspects no longer exist. sigh.
I'm glad that I was able to do that for my children. My son was so happy that he glowed with it. Hadn't seen him so happy in years. He was so sad without his father and still is but seems to cope better.
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