positives

It's cold. No snow here,but lots of cold air.

I'm happy that for the first time in about ten years, I can park in my garage. YaY.

It's great that I am finally getting my teeth taken care of. When I was married, there were too many things that seemed more important. Now, I can put priority on getting my health in hand, fixing up my teeth (ouch), getting the kids to the dentist for check ups.... Why is it that those things seem easier to do now that I am divorced?

I ordered myself two sweaters that were on sale half price.

Had a pleasant surprise yesterday---I am working to get my mortgage loan modified and had to provide proof of house insurance. I thought it had lapsed but YaY it was paid up in October. I am so RELIEVED about that. When this modification goes thru, my taxes and insurance will be rolled into it and I will be paying 100 less-- if you add the savings for taxes and insurance that saves me over 2000 out of pocket. sigh. good deal.

Either I was testy today or the students at school were more goobery than usual.

I need to put plastic sheeting over my windows to try to keep heat in and cold air out.... took my garbage outside....I feel so grown up :pwo

Picked up fish oil capsules that my doctor asked me to take ---4000 mg of fish oil capsules a day!!!! oh my. Two prescriptions, fish oil, and multivitamin cost 76 dollars. That was an ouch!

oh well.

love you all.

I'm a goober.

umm yeah. So I am a goober.
I talked to my BF finally.
Perhaps news of the break up was premature.
It's back on but perhaps at a bit more sedate pace.
Meaning, he is going to spend a bit more time at his apartment---especially when he is sleeping.
Maybe this means I will get to have more quality time when he is awake.
But for now, it's on.
I'm relieved and feeling a bit foolish.
I dunno.
You may yell at me now.

I'm scared.

What if my marriage was all that there is for me?
What if no one can love me more than my X did (in his own twisted way)?
What if I am alone the rest of my life?

let the smiting begin

He wasn't hit by a bus and isn't dead.
My olive branch ignored.

The smiting process has begun.

Delete off home phone contact list. check.
Delete call record. check.
Delete from yahoo messenger. check.
Delete from yahoo contacts. check.
Delete from cell phone. check. (I cried.)

To do list:

Get his broken car out of my driveway.
Request Harley be removed from the garage.
Drag his suitcase and duffel bag to garage to await pending retrieval.
Get my house key back.
Delete all emails, voice and text messages.
Clean out his food from my refrigerator.
Stop thinking about him.
Let heart and feelings heal.

cuddles for free

I was looking at Lori's blog this morning. It is so peaceful and relaxing. What a great life she leads! Take a moment to check it out

Still no word from BF--- and NO I am not going to call him. Once, I chased a man who I should have let go and was married to him for twenty years. Look how that turned out. Nope, I need a man who can suck it up and do what needs to be done. It might even be nice for someone to pursue ME for one stinkin once! Flowers, hearts, love, affection, I DESERVE those things. I was putting all the effort into making him happy and I am tired of things being one sided. Am I really just a puppy who is going to be happy following its master around for the occasional cuddle? (Yes. but that's beside the point!) :D I'm trying to do things differently this time. Shheez. help me out would ya :)

Okay, BF hasn't called, texted, or emailed since Sunday. From texting and calling several times a day to nothing. This is serious business.

In fact I'm afraid it's rapidly approaching irrepairable if it's not there already. This is the first time I've been walked away from. A new experience. pfft BOOO>

So I am starting to be angry, hurt, indignant. Not that I will tell this to him, mind you. That's what ya'll are here for, rite? :)

Now that things have settled with X, I have to say this hurts. Not gonna lie. it hurts. Gonna have to smite him. Cept that's hard to do with his jeep in my driveway, harley in my garage and a big suitcase of stuff. :/

Who's a goober?

From X

To Me

Sorry for the rude remark,.... I am going through a ton of pressure for not selling cars. Just waiting for the pink slip so I can collect unemployment. That would be far better than what I am making now.

I miss Son sooo much but will not ask you to send him over if you do not wish to. You can use him to get back at me, or just delete me out of his life. Either way I have no say for now. I just think Son should make that choice,.. not you ,.. not me,... its his decision whether he wants me as his father or les as his new father. Either way I will respect his decision.

His Indonesian grand parents will go home soon and he may not have the chance to see them ever again when they die in Indonesia. And maybe you'd prefer that he has no recollection of them. Either way your call and I will catch up with him when he is out of your control,.. good or bad I will deal with it then.

Please send my old pictures back ,.. you have no use for them and those are my memories with my people. Daughter will pick them up.

From Me

To X

Well, I'm sorry that things are hard. I do not know why you are mad and not speaking to me again. Why can't we just be able to call each other up as necessary to exchange our son back and forth? That's all I want. Kids are unreliable for passing messages.

All I want is for you to communicate with me so that there is no confusion.

When Les saw your email he left and may not come back.

Anyway, just send me an email, call or stop by anytime and let me know when to drop him and when you will pick him up.

Coincidentally, I went through the pictures after Les left and have them ready for you.

Blessings,

Julie

From Me

To X

Why don't you come over and visit us tonite? We'll be home after 6. I'd like to see you too. miss you.

From X

To Me

How can that be? You have a new replacement,... Is this a trap?

From Me

To X

I don't make traps. Just thought it would be nice if you came over. If you don't want to, that's fine. Why can't we just be friends? I still care about you. Why not just come and visit. I'm tired, sad, and in pain. Maybe you can help son with his homework, or play Wii with him.

From X

To Me

Dinner at 6PM, I'll pick up Daughter

As always, he feeds me. Lol. I did go and we managed to work thru a few issues in Indonesian while kids were shuffling around. I’ll write more about how it went later. Right now, I have a toothache :/