fresh air
Things have been mostly uneventful the past couple of days.
I will mention here, that I have been weaning myself off of my anti-depressant, so this maybe contributing to my general lack of inspiration. Generally, I have been okay I think, despite the recent situation with visitation or lack thereof.
Daughter didn't want to tell me about her father's response to her email that I posted a few days ago. She doesn't know that I have seen it, but seems to be sparing my feelings. When I asked her if he replied she shrugged and mumbled.
It's one of my foibles that I am a curious and devious person who can access any account of hers that I choose. Her father knows that, so likely the email was directed toward me anyway--especially since he hit most of his favorite rants. I managed to weather that pretty well as previously mentioned.
Today, I once again attempted to get my driver's license changed to my maiden name. The main issue is a name change in between from 2007 before everything hit the fan in my life. X changed his name with his citizenship and later the kids and I followed. The lady at the nearby tag agency decided it was too hard for her to handle and sent me to the main DPS. I explained to two people there, they approved it, sent me back to her with a letter which she promptly rejected. I lost my good attitude a bit, wanted to burst into tears but settled for some good old fashioned griping and grumbling.
SO I had to go all the way back across town to the DPS again, explain to TWO more people, get a new letter and go to a different tag agency.
In between that was picking up my mom, dropping her, picking up daughter dropping her at work, going to lunch, library, etc. So was a pretty busy day.
The 2nd lady at DPS was sympathetic and said she had been married 24 years. When I told her I felt twenty in a forty something body, she confided how nice it was for her to be able to go to the store and browse make up all night if she wished.
That kind of added to the general pathos of the situation. So many marriages ending in divorce. What is the deal with the world, etc. But then it struck me-- marriage has always had issues of infidelity, abuse, neglect, etc. The difference is that couples used to suffer in silence or agree to go their own way within the confines of the marital institution.
So then, I thought about my situation. Did I give up too soon? Should I have suffered longer? Could I have fixed it, fixed him, fixed myself?
Again, I have to believe that divorce was necessary, as much as it sucked and continues to suck. Yesterday as I was doing my peaceful morning routine, the air felt fresher. I feel like I can breathe more freely than I have ever done.
I will mention here, that I have been weaning myself off of my anti-depressant, so this maybe contributing to my general lack of inspiration. Generally, I have been okay I think, despite the recent situation with visitation or lack thereof.
Daughter didn't want to tell me about her father's response to her email that I posted a few days ago. She doesn't know that I have seen it, but seems to be sparing my feelings. When I asked her if he replied she shrugged and mumbled.
It's one of my foibles that I am a curious and devious person who can access any account of hers that I choose. Her father knows that, so likely the email was directed toward me anyway--especially since he hit most of his favorite rants. I managed to weather that pretty well as previously mentioned.
Today, I once again attempted to get my driver's license changed to my maiden name. The main issue is a name change in between from 2007 before everything hit the fan in my life. X changed his name with his citizenship and later the kids and I followed. The lady at the nearby tag agency decided it was too hard for her to handle and sent me to the main DPS. I explained to two people there, they approved it, sent me back to her with a letter which she promptly rejected. I lost my good attitude a bit, wanted to burst into tears but settled for some good old fashioned griping and grumbling.
SO I had to go all the way back across town to the DPS again, explain to TWO more people, get a new letter and go to a different tag agency.
In between that was picking up my mom, dropping her, picking up daughter dropping her at work, going to lunch, library, etc. So was a pretty busy day.
The 2nd lady at DPS was sympathetic and said she had been married 24 years. When I told her I felt twenty in a forty something body, she confided how nice it was for her to be able to go to the store and browse make up all night if she wished.
That kind of added to the general pathos of the situation. So many marriages ending in divorce. What is the deal with the world, etc. But then it struck me-- marriage has always had issues of infidelity, abuse, neglect, etc. The difference is that couples used to suffer in silence or agree to go their own way within the confines of the marital institution.
So then, I thought about my situation. Did I give up too soon? Should I have suffered longer? Could I have fixed it, fixed him, fixed myself?
Again, I have to believe that divorce was necessary, as much as it sucked and continues to suck. Yesterday as I was doing my peaceful morning routine, the air felt fresher. I feel like I can breathe more freely than I have ever done.
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