poodle

Was a beautiful morning---woke up late, opened the curtains, blinds, etc. Walked through my newly cleaned living room that has more room now that X took his junk. Fed the dogs, watered flowers, made breakfast, coffee, sat down to the laptop.

Then, SallieMae called regarding X's student loan I co-signed for. The lady was being difficult even after I explained that I get no alimony, have yet to receive any child support, have barely enough to pay two mortgages and keep a roof over my children's head, food on the table, etc. She was transferring me to a supervisor and the connection went down. I got cut off.

Cried for a few, then decided to forgo the whole crying hysterical deal, suck it up and call em back. I did so and while being transferred again, something weird happened and I ended up with a busy signal. Well, I am NOT calling again today. They can call me back when they are ready I guess.

Finished bfast and then read one of my favorite blogs . Yeah it was a hot post that I totally relate to. Reminded me of how much divorce sucks and in spite of the good reasons I had for leaving him, I also have no one in my bed to touch me, hold me, breathe with me. Bring on the tears.

First dates are great distractions, but they don't fill my empty bed (oh I know I COULD, but that would be for an hour, a day. I don't want to be another booty call. My marriage was basically a twenty year booty call. )

I'll be okay. Give me my self pity for a moment. then I will suck it up and get happy again. I promise.

BTW, I try to avoid using bad words or "crap" so I say poodle.