Had to restart my blog....
Friday, December 26, 2008
Restarting My Life
Current mood: peaceful
Welcome to my new life! After 20 years of marriage, I am restarting my life. I've rarely been the one to initiate change, but when it is thrust upon me, I tend to adapt. Even so, I have had too many changes in the past decade that have brought me to this point. No longer able to adapt to my circumstances if I want to live, I have turned my life and that of my children upside down. Actually it wasn't just me... we were going belly up anyway.
So, here I am---a 41 yr old mother of two living with her mother and shuffling the kids back and forth to their father. This whole separation thing is new to me.
I have been doing this separation thing for about two months. At first, I was very torn and confused---after all, I have stuck with the marriage thing for twenty years in spite of difficult circumstances. In all that time, I had never left the house during an argument because I knew it was a BIG thing and I was committed to being married.
With the aid of Zoloft (my happy pills as I call them) I am in a much better place emotionally then I have been for the past ten years. This summer when I finally went to the doctor after experiencing suicidal thoughts, the nurse asked me how long I have been depressed. I told her "oh about a decade." funny! You should have seen the look on her face.
Restarting My Life
Current mood: peaceful
Welcome to my new life! After 20 years of marriage, I am restarting my life. I've rarely been the one to initiate change, but when it is thrust upon me, I tend to adapt. Even so, I have had too many changes in the past decade that have brought me to this point. No longer able to adapt to my circumstances if I want to live, I have turned my life and that of my children upside down. Actually it wasn't just me... we were going belly up anyway.
So, here I am---a 41 yr old mother of two living with her mother and shuffling the kids back and forth to their father. This whole separation thing is new to me.
I have been doing this separation thing for about two months. At first, I was very torn and confused---after all, I have stuck with the marriage thing for twenty years in spite of difficult circumstances. In all that time, I had never left the house during an argument because I knew it was a BIG thing and I was committed to being married.
With the aid of Zoloft (my happy pills as I call them) I am in a much better place emotionally then I have been for the past ten years. This summer when I finally went to the doctor after experiencing suicidal thoughts, the nurse asked me how long I have been depressed. I told her "oh about a decade." funny! You should have seen the look on her face.
I was 41 when he left... I understand.. after 21 years of marriage. I just turned 60.
ReplyDeleteIt gets better...
Allow the process..
For each year you have been married, divide that number by 4, and that is the number of years you will grieve... sounds hard, I know, but to get out too early is a mistake.. you are not ready..
The good news, after 2 years you will begin to feel "normal" again.
Allow yourself to make mistakes. It happens.
You are extremely vulnerable right now. Be careful.
Take Caution in Divorce Groups: in my Masters Research, I learned that women at 6 months, in depression, and men at 2 weeks, in anger, typically try to start out again, too soon. The implication of divorce groups is that they need to separate women from men. I am convinced. If you are 6 months out and meet a man 2 weeks out, you are a time-bomb waiting to explode.. and it has nothing to do with love.
My research showed that men around 2 weeks and ff act out sexually to feel better about themselves physically: the women at 6 months and typically 1 year, 18 months, and 2 year increments act out from depression to feel loved.
Interestingly, the men felt great. The women felt worse.
The violation of your values that you hold dear can easily take place... Give healing time.