confused

I have myself in a bit of a pickle.

Joe and I might get married.

He's made a lot of changes, but the kinds of things he is working on take time and are difficult to change.

When I'm with him, I think "We can do this!"

When I'm not, I start worrying.

I have trust issues.

How do you trust someone completely?

I usually take things at face value, but reserve judgement and observe.

I'm not sure I'm ready to step away from the "man buffet"

As long as I have a main course at home, I'm good.

That's part of the question.

Will there be a main course?

What is love anyway?

I really have no idea anymore.

Caring? That comes easily for me. I can care deeply about many people--have and do.

What is the difference between that and love?

I'd like to be taken care of. I don't want to be the primary caregiver yet.

He needs looking after. Why do I have to be the one to do that?

I don't think that people are capable of "fixing" one another.

In a perfect world:

He would be as healthy as possible--body, mind, soul

He would be pain free or at least off the pain killers.

He will be strong, independent and THEN choose to be with me.

He cares for me.

He cares for my son SO MUCH--that means a lot.

I like having him around.

aggh. halp.