Let it go Let it GO

That's what I keep repeating to myself. I have this horrible way of holding on to things that were never meant for me, trying to force my life into what I want it to be, cram it into a groove where it doesn't fit ---- especially in terms of relationships.

I haven't heard from or contacted Navy since before New Years. "Let it go, Let HIM go...." I keep repeating that to myself. His health is not my responsibility. His life is not joined to mine. He is not mine. I wish he was. He's not. Why is it so hard to let go of nothing?

My marriage was not meant to be; he didn't want to be mine, didn't want ME. I grabbed hold and didn't let go for 20 years. At least I know it can be done---the letting go part, I mean. I did that.

Fred finally texted me last night. We exchanged a few texts. I LET HIM go. I think he wanted me to cry, to plead, to beg him to stay, to show through my tears how much he means to me. No way. I like him but I am not going to feed into that emotional manipulation--- that cry-for-me -so-I-feel-better crap. NOT going to do it. Plus, this is not the first time he has done that. It's easier for me to let him go than it is for me to let Navy go. Very odd considering Fred was so much more emotionally open and nurturing toward me. I guess I never trusted him when it came down to it.

Now, I am poised again to resume dating. Starting with a dinner date tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Comments

  1. tamra leeJanuary 6, 2011 at 12:06 AM

    Good luck, my dear friend. I hope that 2011 is a great year for you and that you find someone wonderful that will love you for you and treat you like a queen. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. jaykbeeJanuary 6, 2011 at 4:22 AM

    Thanks Tamra, I hope that love flies to you soon also.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Empty Arms

Image
It was a rough weekend. I was feeling pretty blue to begin with--grieving the loss of my little family which has shattered to pieces, leaving just me and my son under one roof. Dunno what precipitated that pity party, but it was going on since Thursday. Friday, Son's father didn't call, text, or come to pick him up. Son was not inclined to make the effort either. I guess he figures that if his father wants him, he'd initiate. Saturday morning was particularly rough because Son had Saturday School---kind of like detention on Saturday, for being tardy to class after PE. Moving fast is not his strong suit ever. Plus, he doesn't wake up and get going easily either. Basically, Saturday was filled with Son's fussing, homework, tears, slamming of doors,and lot's of I-hate-you's. Yeah, pretty miserable all the way around. I think maybe it was a reaction to how he feels about what's happening with his dad. OR not happening. It culminated in Son sobbing in hi
Read more

Keystone Cops R US

Image
Okay, we just did a Keystone Cops routine . I went in, puppies ran out. English bulldog from next door chased puppies around the yard. I chased English bulldog who was chasing the puppies around the yard, into my house where I chased them all aroun d again until they all ran back outside. Got puppies back in and English bulldog out. Opened the door to call my son in, and they were off!!!!! Did it all again, but this time, the neighbor lady and her daughter chased the bulldog who was chasing the puppies and I chased her and her daughter who were chasing the puppies, back into my house again. Whew, I'm tired!
Read more

X's birthday, X in law birthdays... what should I do

Oh, I almost forgot. I have a question for you all. My X's mother's birthday just passed. His father's birthday is in a week or so and his birthday a bit after. I thought about having the kids call their Oma (grandma) to wish happy birthday but opted not to. I think he should be responsible for that. What do I do about this and/or his upcoming birthday? Do I have the kids do something? He didn't bother for me last year when we were separated..... Ideas anyone?
Read more