teeter totter up n down, up n down

Only a week or so until I have to go back to work, so I have been trying to keep myself busy and doing things in order to build my "work" stamina up. lol. A summer of rest and relaxation makes for a hard transition going back to the daily grind!

I am no longer on antidepressants. YaY. Welp, I do have something for emergencies, in case I have an "episode". But that I take on an "as needed" basis. Meanwhile, I think I'm doing well. Some days, I feel so optimistic about my life, happy, upbeat, etc. That is really different for me and a bit scary--hard for me to trust in those feelings.

Other days, like today, I feel scared---I wonder if I can keep the house (mortgage payment equals half my monthly salary), wonder if I can get it fixed up, wonder if I can pay for my car, my son's braces, etc. Being alone, without anyone to share these concerns with, without having someone to join in making a plan and execution of it... wow. A bit overwhelming, to say the least.

I just have to keep a list of what has been accomplished so far, I guess, if only to encourage myself that I can do this.

I'm still on my "man diet". Other than Navy, I really don't have else to do things with--haven't since the first week of July. (Navy and I don't do anything together anyway, unless it's shopping, eating, or running errands. I'm so pathetic that I'm just happy to be with him wherever. sigh..)

Was supposed to meet a guy who was in from out of town for coaches clinic, but when he called me to make arrangements, he asked if I had a single friend to bring along for his friend. !!!??? That felt weird to me, like something that a 20-something might do. yeah, so I canceled. Bunch 'o squirrelly coaches running around away from their home town.... wasn't in the mood for that I guess.

I do have a lunch date with a gentleman tomorrow. Not gonna cancel, but not feeling into it at the moment.

Yesterday, I had a great time at my friend's house--had lunch, swam in the pool, laughed, cried, talked. I can't remember how long it's been since I did that. Unfortunately, I tend to gravitate toward men, not women for social stuff. Maybe I should do as my mom says and get some female friends to hang around...

Mom and I are going to start taking aqua aerobic classes next week. This is the first time in my adult life---ever, actually--- that I have decided to do something like this. Frankly, I'm excited about it! Guess, I am tired of being sick and tired. Need to exercise so that I feel better physically, help me lose weight, tone up, get in shape. Hard to believe that I am really looking forward to this! That gives me hope. :)

Son and I went to a late movie the other night. On the way back, I was fooling around--made him laugh so hard he almost threw up. lol.

I'll keep you posted. hugz.