cuddling up to a hot water bottlle
Happy Thanksgiving all!~
I've been feeling under the weather --- toothaches, stuffy nose, headaches, neckaches --- hard to know which one is which. Had a tooth pulled which, after the fact, hurts worse than after having a C section.
I hate being in pain.
Missing my bf right now --- he's been sleeping since 5 pm and looks like he'll sleep on thru.
Got a message via daughter from X wanting yet another copy of the kids birth certificates. Number one: I'd giving him copies a few weeks ago when he was still speaking to me.
Number two: I reminded daughter that I do not respond to indirect communication anymore and her response to him should be "tell her yourself".
I think I'm getting good at that.
I have to confess that there is a part of me that is afraid of him. I don't know for sure that he won't do something completely crazy that might end up hurting me. He is just so unpredictable when he gets like this, especially since there is no one to give him advice, etc.
I forgot to take my antidepressant today, so it did hit me an hour or so ago. I was thinking that my children will not thank me for ripping their family apart. It wasn't much but it was all they knew. Yeah but the self pity, guilt and tears lasted maybe ten minutes. I'm over it. Even so, the fact remains that it is what it is. Things were goin downhill. I couldn't keep it together like I'd done for most of twenty years. It had to change. Meanwhile, I have to think my son is happier. He doesn't flinch anymore; he doesn't stutter as much when under pressure. No one yells at him every time he makes a little mess or mistake; not at me either for that matter. I can stop apologizing now. That's a great thing.
Happy Thanksgiving guys, I am off to fill up my hot water bottle and lay my face on it.
I've been feeling under the weather --- toothaches, stuffy nose, headaches, neckaches --- hard to know which one is which. Had a tooth pulled which, after the fact, hurts worse than after having a C section.
I hate being in pain.
Missing my bf right now --- he's been sleeping since 5 pm and looks like he'll sleep on thru.
Got a message via daughter from X wanting yet another copy of the kids birth certificates. Number one: I'd giving him copies a few weeks ago when he was still speaking to me.
Number two: I reminded daughter that I do not respond to indirect communication anymore and her response to him should be "tell her yourself".
I think I'm getting good at that.
I have to confess that there is a part of me that is afraid of him. I don't know for sure that he won't do something completely crazy that might end up hurting me. He is just so unpredictable when he gets like this, especially since there is no one to give him advice, etc.
I forgot to take my antidepressant today, so it did hit me an hour or so ago. I was thinking that my children will not thank me for ripping their family apart. It wasn't much but it was all they knew. Yeah but the self pity, guilt and tears lasted maybe ten minutes. I'm over it. Even so, the fact remains that it is what it is. Things were goin downhill. I couldn't keep it together like I'd done for most of twenty years. It had to change. Meanwhile, I have to think my son is happier. He doesn't flinch anymore; he doesn't stutter as much when under pressure. No one yells at him every time he makes a little mess or mistake; not at me either for that matter. I can stop apologizing now. That's a great thing.
Happy Thanksgiving guys, I am off to fill up my hot water bottle and lay my face on it.
Comments
Post a Comment