What Women Need
During my Wednesday night group, the leader was talking about the difference between men's allocation of points and the female's. According to him, men give themselves high points for things they do. Made the bed? 2000 points! Picked up my underwear? 1000 pts! Put my dish in the sink? 500 points. Meanwhile the woman doesn't do it that way.
He said that, for example, the man will bring his lady one red rose. She will smile, exclaiming, "oh thank you!!) *ding*
So the man thinks "WOW, if I got that reaction for one rose, what if I buy a dozen?" So he does and she smiles, exclaiming "oh thank you!!! :) *ding*
Then the man is confused. He thought more flowers would equal more *ding*s as we will call them. So he picks a restaurant, buys flowers, plans a romantic evening thinking this is SURE to bring him more *ding*s She smiles, exclaiming "oh thank you!!!:)) *ding*
So the reaction is the same each time. The leader then suggested, why not take those roses and give them unexpectedly throughout the year? Then the *ding*s will be more frequent and she will be happier more often. He took a poll of the ladies present:
Would you rather have a dozen roses at once, or 1 rose at a time throughout the year? All the women voted for the one unexpected rose at various times throughout the year.
This makes me think of an incident that happened when I was still married a few months ago. My husband had been having trouble starting and completing things, was getting pretty undependable. The neighbors were complaining about the junk around our house, etc My friend came to tell me as she knew some of what I was going through with him.
Anyway, I came home in the middle of a workday and I saw that trash was set by the curb. He had been doing something! I was so happy that when I went inside and saw that he was sleeping, I thought, "poor guy is exhausted after all that work!" and went my merry way back to my job, so pleased that he was actually doing what needed to be done.
Later that afternoon, I pulled into the driveway and saw my neighbor friend edging my driveway. Then I realized. SHE did it all. Not him. AND she was still at it, which meant I should help her even though I was tired from working all day. I left my kids out there to help her when I couldn't do it another second. Devastated, I went inside the house and sat down. By the time the children came inside, I was sobbing into my hands with weariness,heartache,and humiliation. Just one more area that he let me down in. I told him about it,but didn't get much of a response and certainly no apology.
For years, I just accepted whatever he gave me no matter how small. A card on anniversary, sex when that was all he could afford. ppfft. All I needed really was just something small, special, heartfelt--- make dinner for me. Light a candle. Take care of the baby for me just one day. Anything. Yes, I did get flowers once in awhile. Yes, he bought me perfume at Christmas. But in the end, what did it all matter when the next fight, he would just remind me that he didn't want to be married to me and that I wasn't what he wanted.
Now,I am free. I can do what I want, go where I want, spend what money I want. Sure, my bed is empty and there is no one to hold me---but there is also life, hope, peace and potential happiness. I'll have some of each, thank you!
He said that, for example, the man will bring his lady one red rose. She will smile, exclaiming, "oh thank you!!) *ding*
So the man thinks "WOW, if I got that reaction for one rose, what if I buy a dozen?" So he does and she smiles, exclaiming "oh thank you!!! :) *ding*
Then the man is confused. He thought more flowers would equal more *ding*s as we will call them. So he picks a restaurant, buys flowers, plans a romantic evening thinking this is SURE to bring him more *ding*s She smiles, exclaiming "oh thank you!!!:)) *ding*
So the reaction is the same each time. The leader then suggested, why not take those roses and give them unexpectedly throughout the year? Then the *ding*s will be more frequent and she will be happier more often. He took a poll of the ladies present:
Would you rather have a dozen roses at once, or 1 rose at a time throughout the year? All the women voted for the one unexpected rose at various times throughout the year.
This makes me think of an incident that happened when I was still married a few months ago. My husband had been having trouble starting and completing things, was getting pretty undependable. The neighbors were complaining about the junk around our house, etc My friend came to tell me as she knew some of what I was going through with him.
Anyway, I came home in the middle of a workday and I saw that trash was set by the curb. He had been doing something! I was so happy that when I went inside and saw that he was sleeping, I thought, "poor guy is exhausted after all that work!" and went my merry way back to my job, so pleased that he was actually doing what needed to be done.
Later that afternoon, I pulled into the driveway and saw my neighbor friend edging my driveway. Then I realized. SHE did it all. Not him. AND she was still at it, which meant I should help her even though I was tired from working all day. I left my kids out there to help her when I couldn't do it another second. Devastated, I went inside the house and sat down. By the time the children came inside, I was sobbing into my hands with weariness,heartache,and humiliation. Just one more area that he let me down in. I told him about it,but didn't get much of a response and certainly no apology.
For years, I just accepted whatever he gave me no matter how small. A card on anniversary, sex when that was all he could afford. ppfft. All I needed really was just something small, special, heartfelt--- make dinner for me. Light a candle. Take care of the baby for me just one day. Anything. Yes, I did get flowers once in awhile. Yes, he bought me perfume at Christmas. But in the end, what did it all matter when the next fight, he would just remind me that he didn't want to be married to me and that I wasn't what he wanted.
Now,I am free. I can do what I want, go where I want, spend what money I want. Sure, my bed is empty and there is no one to hold me---but there is also life, hope, peace and potential happiness. I'll have some of each, thank you!
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