This is how I feel today
I haven't written for a few days. Sometimes my emotions change so quickly, it's too much trouble to put them down here. Others, I feel like I have nothing worthwhile or positive to say.
Yesterday, I had to pick up my sister at 5 pm which gave me an hour and a half to kill while waiting. I went to his house and took a nap. Of course he wrapped himself around me, so basically I slept in his arms.
It didn't feel like a big deal at the time--it was only a nap. I'm thinking now that it was a mistake.
Last night, I went to a divorce care class about moving on. I enjoyed it, but afterwards, I didn't want to go out with them. I just went to my car and cried thinking that no one will ever want me, love me, why do I even bother trying to do all this, it's too early for me to even think about men.
Today, during a school assembly, I happened to glance over at a couple who were recording their student's performance. The wife was behind the husband with her arm holding the camera extended and braced on his shoulder to steady it, her body pressed up against his back. That hurt to see.
As a wife, I took every opportunity to be up against my husband. I could spend hours resting against him and often did. We held hands in public, furtively "copping feels", sneaking kisses, caresses, etc. He told me he loved me in his sleep. I believed him. I was so well loved physically, it surpassed anything else that happened for about 18 of our twenty years together.
Am I ever going to have someone love me and hold me again? I opened my email---every day I get an email from dailyemails@divorcecare.org and it is often speaking to right where I am. I signed up for them pretty quickly after my decision to divorce him.
This was today's:
The Ache of Loneliness
Day 118
You are home alone and you long for companionship. You are out with friends, surrounded by people who love you, yet you ache with loneliness. This emotion is deep, and it is difficult for other people to understand. Sometimes people in your church may not understand because they see that you are surrounded by a loving church family. While it is crucial to let yourself be loved by church and family members, the loss of a spouse brings a loneliness that can only be healed through a love relationship with Jesus Christ.
"There were times," says Cheryl, "especially in the evening after I put my children down to bed, when I was home by myself, and I remember sitting on my sofa just wishing that someone was there to put his arms around me and just to hold me and to love me. And I thought, This is the way it's always going to be."
Danny shares: "I was so lonely. The house was so quiet after my wife left with the children. It's amazing how the quietness can be so loud. I didn't want to be in that house."
During the next few weeks, you will learn that there are complex reasons behind loneliness. You will look at some effective ways to deal with your loneliness as well as mistakes to avoid when you're feeling lonely."And now how lonely—bereft, abandoned! The once famous city, the once happy city" (Jeremiah 49:25 Msg).
Lord God, it is hard to understand why I feel lonely when I know there are people who love me, but I do. I feel empty and alone. Help me, Jesus. Amen.
New! These daily email messages are now in book format.Read and re-read 365 messages of help and healing.Give this gift of hope to a friend! Order now.
365 days of healing and encouragement
Yesterday, I had to pick up my sister at 5 pm which gave me an hour and a half to kill while waiting. I went to his house and took a nap. Of course he wrapped himself around me, so basically I slept in his arms.
It didn't feel like a big deal at the time--it was only a nap. I'm thinking now that it was a mistake.
Last night, I went to a divorce care class about moving on. I enjoyed it, but afterwards, I didn't want to go out with them. I just went to my car and cried thinking that no one will ever want me, love me, why do I even bother trying to do all this, it's too early for me to even think about men.
Today, during a school assembly, I happened to glance over at a couple who were recording their student's performance. The wife was behind the husband with her arm holding the camera extended and braced on his shoulder to steady it, her body pressed up against his back. That hurt to see.
As a wife, I took every opportunity to be up against my husband. I could spend hours resting against him and often did. We held hands in public, furtively "copping feels", sneaking kisses, caresses, etc. He told me he loved me in his sleep. I believed him. I was so well loved physically, it surpassed anything else that happened for about 18 of our twenty years together.
Am I ever going to have someone love me and hold me again? I opened my email---every day I get an email from dailyemails@divorcecare.org and it is often speaking to right where I am. I signed up for them pretty quickly after my decision to divorce him.
This was today's:
The Ache of Loneliness
Day 118
You are home alone and you long for companionship. You are out with friends, surrounded by people who love you, yet you ache with loneliness. This emotion is deep, and it is difficult for other people to understand. Sometimes people in your church may not understand because they see that you are surrounded by a loving church family. While it is crucial to let yourself be loved by church and family members, the loss of a spouse brings a loneliness that can only be healed through a love relationship with Jesus Christ.
"There were times," says Cheryl, "especially in the evening after I put my children down to bed, when I was home by myself, and I remember sitting on my sofa just wishing that someone was there to put his arms around me and just to hold me and to love me. And I thought, This is the way it's always going to be."
Danny shares: "I was so lonely. The house was so quiet after my wife left with the children. It's amazing how the quietness can be so loud. I didn't want to be in that house."
During the next few weeks, you will learn that there are complex reasons behind loneliness. You will look at some effective ways to deal with your loneliness as well as mistakes to avoid when you're feeling lonely."And now how lonely—bereft, abandoned! The once famous city, the once happy city" (Jeremiah 49:25 Msg).
Lord God, it is hard to understand why I feel lonely when I know there are people who love me, but I do. I feel empty and alone. Help me, Jesus. Amen.
New! These daily email messages are now in book format.Read and re-read 365 messages of help and healing.Give this gift of hope to a friend! Order now.
365 days of healing and encouragement
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