My week
Sorry about the few days of silence. I have been waiting for something wonderful to happen, some great new insight, some miraculous healing of all my angst and woe. Since none of that has happened YET, here I am in the interim, back with all my issues! : )
Monday, we found out that one of our friends had passed away suddenly from a major heart attack at the age of 43 leaving behind 3 children under 16 and a wife. Yesterday, we went to his memorial service. I went with my daughter and Ex decided to sit apart from us--a bit unexpected, but welcome. It was actually the best memorial service I have ever been to--the family each recorded a clip about their father/husband sharing best memories, etc. The wife's was at the very end and it was funny, sweet, wonderful. Amazing.
Of course, being the self-absorbed person that I seem to have become lately, I did manage to make my crying about my own problems :/ Watching the picture slideshow--17 years of their life together, hugging, laughing, kissing, laughing, hugging as a couple and family, I realized that once again my so-called marriage fell totally short. I don't have many pictures of us as a couple and even fewer where we are hugging, etc.
The thought briefly crossed my mind that if mine had died, this whole thing would have been easier. Remember, I have had that experience before at least. Plus, I would have been able to sing his praises, talk about how wonderful he was as a husband, blah blah.
Instead, he is likely to never receive such a tribute from me. There won't be a wonderful slideshow of our lives together, growing old together, etc. Anyway, he was quite introspective when we saw him afterwards--he'd been crying and was all teary eyed. I didn't try to comfort him. Whatever he is feeling must be better than the strange glee he has shown over our breakup and if the memorial gave food for thought, so be it.
Monday was also our temporary custody thing at the courthouse--we rode together. He was bitchy, uptight and totally aggravating on the way back. Sparing you details here. Suffice to say, it was a great relief to get away from him.
Today, we have to go to a court mandated video (4 hours long!) but I am taking my own car. I'm happy to report that my daughter will spend Saturday and Sunday with me here. YaY She has been pretty happy since her return from the Dominican Republic mission trip, so we are hoping for some great details.
Oh, forgot to tell u. I was pretty depressed most of the week---skipped almost all of the divorce recovery groups, etc. Wednesday, had a bit of an emotional meltdown at work feeling helpless, hopeless, etc so talked to my boss and went down to the onsite docter who upped my meds and gave me something for anxiety in the evenings. As a result, perhaps I will have a miraculous medical cure to report soon :D
Monday, we found out that one of our friends had passed away suddenly from a major heart attack at the age of 43 leaving behind 3 children under 16 and a wife. Yesterday, we went to his memorial service. I went with my daughter and Ex decided to sit apart from us--a bit unexpected, but welcome. It was actually the best memorial service I have ever been to--the family each recorded a clip about their father/husband sharing best memories, etc. The wife's was at the very end and it was funny, sweet, wonderful. Amazing.
Of course, being the self-absorbed person that I seem to have become lately, I did manage to make my crying about my own problems :/ Watching the picture slideshow--17 years of their life together, hugging, laughing, kissing, laughing, hugging as a couple and family, I realized that once again my so-called marriage fell totally short. I don't have many pictures of us as a couple and even fewer where we are hugging, etc.
The thought briefly crossed my mind that if mine had died, this whole thing would have been easier. Remember, I have had that experience before at least. Plus, I would have been able to sing his praises, talk about how wonderful he was as a husband, blah blah.
Instead, he is likely to never receive such a tribute from me. There won't be a wonderful slideshow of our lives together, growing old together, etc. Anyway, he was quite introspective when we saw him afterwards--he'd been crying and was all teary eyed. I didn't try to comfort him. Whatever he is feeling must be better than the strange glee he has shown over our breakup and if the memorial gave food for thought, so be it.
Monday was also our temporary custody thing at the courthouse--we rode together. He was bitchy, uptight and totally aggravating on the way back. Sparing you details here. Suffice to say, it was a great relief to get away from him.
Today, we have to go to a court mandated video (4 hours long!) but I am taking my own car. I'm happy to report that my daughter will spend Saturday and Sunday with me here. YaY She has been pretty happy since her return from the Dominican Republic mission trip, so we are hoping for some great details.
Oh, forgot to tell u. I was pretty depressed most of the week---skipped almost all of the divorce recovery groups, etc. Wednesday, had a bit of an emotional meltdown at work feeling helpless, hopeless, etc so talked to my boss and went down to the onsite docter who upped my meds and gave me something for anxiety in the evenings. As a result, perhaps I will have a miraculous medical cure to report soon :D
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