I hate hate

I hate him. I hate hating. I don't do it normally. But now, I'm alternating between so many emotions. I'm sorry.

This totally sucks. It's worse than anything else I have ever experienced in my life. This whole thing makes me not want to go on. Yet I have to. At least if he had died, I would know what to expect. Grief is nothing new. I can do it.

This is WAY beyond that. My brain is going ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh. When it's not doing that, there is a silent scream echoing, reverberating.

Everything comes off to me as rejection at the moment. I HATE THAT TOO!

I'm depressed. HOW CAN I BE DEPRESSED WHEN I AM ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS? Do I need tranquilizers? Give me something please.

And you know what? It would totally help me if ya'll could stop holding hands, kissing, leaning on each other in public. Is that too much to ask? Really?

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